stuff about life

Team Bulletin Board

2009-01-07T21:38:00.016-05:00

...

Some stuff the team wants to share with you.

Kinda' Quiet Here Lately

2009-01-06T23:20:00.008-05:00

"Anybody home?"

Yep, just about the entire team has been over at Facebook and Stuff123 working on recruiting a new team—BozosBrigade. It sorta' goes like this.

Gorby the Gamer was playing a lot of games and, in partnership with Chuckie the Computer Geek, decided that it would be a good idea for Taylor the Teacher to write tips for all the fans to read. Gorby & Chuckie felt that Taylor has a better way with the English language and all they would have to do is get Raymond the Writer to pen a lot of it.

It started out a lot like the way talk show hosts do with Robin Williams. They feed him a starting idea and stand back and watch where it goes. We don't think Robin knows either. He jut lets it flow and flow and flow some more and it's just amazing.

So Gorby thought a good name would be GameStuff to go with ComputerStuff and WritersStuff. Otto the Out-of-Left-Field Guy piped up with his idea and that would be StuffIDontGet. It will be a look at things that the team just doesn't understand. Why do they even exist? It will go a little like this. Some titles.

Neckties - Why?
Forums - Why?
Tattoos - Why?
Personal GPS - Why?

And hopefully we can come up with some suggestions for would-be inventors for things they could do with this stuff. There's already way too much stuff in everybody's personal garbage dump and on eBay.

Fabrizio the Facebook Fanatic has been busy trying to recruit members for BozosBrigade. We're not looking for perfection and we don't want to turn anybody worthy away. People that we don't think will get an invitation are those that give you the finger or act rudely in their Facebook profile picture. The picture, name and location are about all Fabrizio has to go on. He's even been greeting new members and giving them a look see at what we're trying to accomplish. If they don't want to take part well they are welcome to stay with the team(s) they joined up with.

Raymond the Writer is busy trying to write interesting stuff about the members and one was just written today - "Are You A Plonker or A Noob?". The idea came from a conversation that Fabrizio had with a member of BozosBrigade. Just as Raymond finished the story, Bozo pipes up that he just made a bozoplay and he is now both of them.

Baxter the Baker, threw in a recipe for breadsticks and Pierre the Chef has a slow-cook-air recipe for chili and everybody else is working feverishly on new ideas. Infinity the Internet Expert is exploring all kinds of new worlds. We're even going to try talking in foreign languages we don't speak, to others in the group and get them to tell us how its working.

Prentice the Professor kicked in the question about "What will Replace Standard Time". He doesn't know but he wants you to start thinking about that because the whole universe is changing, never mind just the world.

And that's really what BozosBrigade is hopefully going to be. We all play games and help each other out as additional members of a team or crew and share tips and stuff. The real idea is to develop an Internet community that can share meaningful stuff across the world with each other and anybody who wants to drop into Stuff123 and take the time to read it.

And it hasn't gone without hitches. Seems in trying to be too helpful, Fabrizio and a few of the other members of the team have stuck there nose in a little deeper than they should have. So we apologize to anybody we might have offended.

BitsByBozoplay is the team's first love but it's not for everybody so that's why Stuff123 exists. It also contributes in a small way to paying the bills. Raymond likes to eat every once in a while. They will bounce back and forth a lot and will even link a little with Bozoplay's Blog on Fox Sports.

Hopefully, it will all be a lot of fun and we all might teach each other stuff and set an example for the rest of the people using the Internet. It's supposed to be about having fun and we are.

Backups - That's for Computer Geeks

2009-01-01T22:07:00.006-05:00

Chuckie the Computer Geek is making an "I told you so" comment relating to the latest story that Fabrizio the Facebook Freak found on our wall. Seems a friend of the the team and former coworker with John the Golf Course Guy, has had a problem with his cellphone and has lost all of his contacts.

All the rest of the guys are giving Chuckie a "Yah your right". I guess they might consider doing backups in the future.

It seems this is how we have all learned about the importance of doing backups of information that is hard to, or pretty much impossible to recreate . The nice thing about the editor that Raymond uses on this blog is that automatically does a Draft save every once in a while so his thoughts aren't up in smoke if there is a power failure or some other catastrophe.

So Taylor the Teacher decided that this story was important enough to put on Stuff123 and share Chuckies thoughts on backups with the rest of the world. Maybe they'll take it more seriously if it comes out of a teacher's mouth even if it's something that a geek knows as a quasi-religion.

So click on the link for the Story of Omar. We changed his name on the other site to John Doe. Hardly does his energetic personality justice.

Meet Me At 5 White

2008-12-20T20:11:00.010-05:00

John the Golf Course Guy gets this request over the staff radio quite a lot. The golf course is 27 holes—made up of three 9's (gold, red and white). It may seem a little simplistic and maybe not as romantic as naming it the Hillside or Orchard course but it works very well here. We have a lot of tournaments here with a lot of infrequent golfers.

John refers to them as "casual golfers" which the customers find is a very polite way of phrasing it. They are the first to admit that they are a little better than terrible but they are here to have fun. That is the true spirit of the charity golf tournament.

Five white is, as I'm sure you figured out, the fifth hole on the white course. John usually leads the golfers out to that starting hole when he's working a shotgun tournament.

...they won't let us have shotguns anymore
...but it would be easier to control the customers if we had one (lol)

The Other guy, in the pro shop, says that its yours forever! If it ain't broke don't fix it, is what he really means. All the other guys at the course are capable of handling that but it's just become a tradition.

...John, guess what your leading out today
...2 to 5 white, here's your air horn
...don't lose it (lol)

Five white happens to be a par 3. The previous hole is another par 3. Both of them are valley holes. I can't say we've ever played on another course where this happens (back-go-back par 3's) but the geography makes it so.

There's also a refreshment cart stationed there because it's strategically mid way between the start and finish of the nine"—the clubhouse. So there is often a "party" happening here and John gets a chance to make sure that everybody is having a good time.

He gets to tell a few jokes, meet and greet new and old customers, joke around with the staff and reuse, over and over again, some classic lines that are intended to make the golfers loosen up. (see It's Only A Game). In fact, 5 white is where the line (The good news is your ball won't be lonely) was born. Let John describe the hole for you.

...there are three different tees here
...they are arranged in a straight line like big steps for the Jolly Green Giant
...the right side of the tee is a wall of mature trees
...from the uppermost deck, you look down into a valley filled with small leafy trees that look up to the tall rough just before the green. There's no large mass of water in the valley but the customers often think there is. That's how dense the growth is
...the elongated upward sloping green is lined on both sides with more trees that create a gap that gets narrower and narrower as the summer passes
...there is a hill on the right side of the green that sometimes creates a magical result for an off line shot. If you hit the hill just right, your ball will go right onto the green and you might even get a hole in one which has happened. She's nodding her head right now (good one, Marion)
...there's a path on the left side of the tees that comes around the corner from 4 and winds its way down through the valley
...to the left is the refreshment cart that never moves during the tournament. You don't move the refrigerator from the kitchen in a party, so why would you move the cart?
...over the years, there's been a lot of really friendly and bright gals that have worked the cart—Sue, Sarah, Natalie, Cassandra and Nonna (I can here here swearing at me right now)
...and so many more, but I'm embarrassed to say I'm afraid to misspell their names
...the path is often strewn with parked golf carts and you will always hear customers saying things like "no I'll buy, or what's Johnny up to, or how's the kids"
...sometimes you hear someone hushing someone else because someone is about to hit their shot
...I seldom do
...no one likes a party pooper

Everyone who works at the golf course knows what you mean if someone says "meet me at five white". It can only be one place and certainly not the green.

No one wants to miss a good party.

.

Introducing Baxter the Baker

2008-12-19T16:47:00.008-05:00

'ello, may I introduce m'self, I'm Baxter the Baker. The lads are bit busy now, what with all the snow that's comin' down so they can't be here to introduce me right and proper.

For sure, I'm a Brit but I've lived in places all round the world what with servin' in the Queen's own an' all. You know all those places on the map that were pink, that the Royals like to think is still there's, thinkin' that a visit now and again is gonna' keep the locals happy.

I do all the baking around here and today we're gonna' make something a little different. One of the lads forgot his banana in his locker and it's a tad overripe. The lads were callin' him a wanker but we can't be usin' names like that here, now can we? So we'll use it up in our recipe. No worries. Yep lived in Australia too, mate.

Baxter's Banana Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

The Stuff
1 overripe banana
1 3/4 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 tbsp cinnamon
1/2 cup of olive oil
1 cup of sugar
1 egg
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup raisins
1 cup oatmeal

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Farenheit

In a large bowl, mix the flour, salt and cinnamon with a stiff stainless steel fork.

In a 4 cup Pyrex measuring cup, mix the olive oil, sugar and egg with that same fork. We like olive oil instead of butter or margarine because it mixes a lot easier and is healthier to boot.

Break up the banana with your hands and put it into the liquid mixture. Add the baking soda. Stir the whole mess up with the fork.

Now slowly add the liquid stuff to the dry stuff and stir it with the fork. Stir in the raisins and then the oats.

Use the fork to drop a ball of cookie dough onto Pierre's Pizza Pan. Remember it's non-stick. Leave some room so you don't end up with one big cookie.

Bake for 10 - 12 minutes.

Repeat the cookie dough ceremony and oven door slamming until all the dough is used up. Since you're using the same pan, reduce your cooking time a litttle each time because the pan is still warm.

...don't forget the oven mitts!

...try not to eat them all before they cool
...Cheers

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The Quiet Stooge

2008-12-19T14:42:00.007-05:00

Bozo recently wrote an article in his blog entitled Pat Quinn, A Wise Man & The 3 Stooges. It's about caring which a lot of guys on the Team do a lot more now.

The reference to the 3 Stooges is not what you think. Although the real 3 Stooges share some of the same characteristics as the "goofballs" that Bozo wrote about, these guys are friends of the Team.

One is Luigi Tartufo. We both agreed on that at the Christmas party.

Another is hard to find right now because he's found, what the Team hopes is, his special lady. So his Lorenzo the Lover is playing both ways, and on Special Teams, but he still makes time for his friends.

I used to refer to Luigi and the other guy as "Chooch & Chong". It's a reference to the strange comedy duo of Cheech and Chong but with an Italian twist. Chooch (spelled phonetically here) is a loose translation for a donkey or jack ass which is synonymous with the real 3 Stooges. It's not about being a dork or a donk or an a#@hole, it's that they like to have fun.

And then there's the 3rd guy in this Special Team. You see his picture above. I don't think I've ever seen him in a picture by himself. Ryan is seen here with his special lady, Kath, at the Christmas party. These two are hard to separate. They are so right for each other. I think they are going to make wonderful parents.

Corky the Customer Service Guy says he reminds him so much of what he was like in his days on the Team.

...it's like looking in a friggin' mirror

He wasn't referring to any physical resemblance. It has way more to do with the personality traits. Corky was a little shy, particularly with strangers. But when it came to friends, Corky was the first one to buy a round of drinks, urged his friends to do things together, played a lot of sports for fun and just enjoyed life. Ryan does all of these and more.

If you look at his Facebook profile you see he's a member of 25 groups. They're quite diverse. Ryan mixes in with most any group and so did Corky. Ryan's trying to find a meaningful job in the finance world possibly or something else that fits in with his academic career. He wants it to be fun. That's why he works at the golf course. It's fun.

Ryan is well on his way to having the time of his life. Corky wants to trade with him. He already knows Ryan's response.

No deal. (We both like poker)

Well get around to introducing Luigi and the other guy in another story.

...yep, they've been seen on the Team Bulletin Board
...the other guy was by himself once
...don't think we're gonna' see that again anytime soon

.

What's An Anna Kournikova?

2008-12-18T12:54:00.004-05:00

In the game of Texas Hold 'em, when you are dealt Ace King as the two hole cards, it has become known as the Anna Kournikova hand, aka Big Slick. The reason for this has everything to do with Anna's time on the professional tennis circuit.

Looks great but never wins anything!

We think this is of course a huge exaggeration (poker players are known to do that now and again). In fact, we have come to the conclusion that this hand is ranked number 3 behind Pocket Aces and Pocket Kings for winning frequency. The problem with the hand, in our experience, is that it is ranked number 1 as the hand that you will lose most often with.

It's not unlike the young male's adolescent experience with courting the Anna's of this world. You get great satisfaction from winning but the bad beats are harder to forget.

Chuckie's Computer Art

2008-12-16T01:24:00.011-05:00

The graphics you see below are arranged in the reverse sequence in which they were altered. The original is at the bottom.

Using Microsoft Office Picture Manager, we first reduced the image size to 400 x 300 pixels and cropped if necessary to get this size (the actual images here were uploaded using a setting of small-centered which reduced them to 200 x 150 and used a minor adjustment in HTML to shift the images up 30 pixels).

The second image, from the bottom, was achieved by adjusting the colour to the orange range and increasing both hue and saturation.

Number 3 is the result of increasing contrast and reducing mid tones.

Number 4 is repeating the procedure in the second image but shifting the colour to the red range.

Number 5 is repeating the procedure in 4 but shifting the colour to red.

The last image, here at the top is the result of increasing contrast and mid tones. Virtually all of the detail is gone. The levels are all a matter of personal taste but usually extreme shifts are required to get a dramatic change.

So the question is why would Chuckie want to do this?

Simple, we write in the two different blogs—both about stuff but with a different focus. This one is looser, more casual, entertaining and sometimes comical. Stuff123 is more traditional, attempting to be more educational, more informational in content, perhaps more provocative. And sometimes we need something for Bozo's blog on Fox Sports to stand out from the crowd.

Here's some ways in which these graphics can be used. Firstly, a lot of them can be imported into Paint and overlay bold type or webdings to change the title approach from the template.

Stuff123's template is somewhat conservative—navy, grey, orange, black and white. That makes 3, 6 & 7 more suitable for that site (Numbering from bottom to top).

If you were writing a story about global warming, then 3 and five might make a good choice to help set the mood. Remember Raymond's philosophy about writing—writing is nothing more than painting pictures with words. Well selective use of the proper picture helps set the tone just as the right colour helps set the mood in a painting.

Go ahead and try it. It's not very difficult as Chuckie knows. Just remember to save with different names. A simple way is to just add a number on the end for each change.

10 Let X = 1
20 X = X + 1
30 Goto 10

That's how Chuckie first learned computer programming back in the day of the punch card. Even the computer geek can be creative even if he can't paint a straight line with a brush.

Tip: To see all the images on your screen at once, continually depress the combination of Ctrl-(minus key) until you can see them all. Ctrl-(zero) will restore your page to normal view. Conversely, Ctrl-(plus key) will increase the image/type size on your screen.

You just got a lesson in how to adjust any browser story to a level of viewing that you prefer.

It's handy for us older, blinder types.

Class dismissed.

D'Slow Cook-Air Is Amazing!

2008-12-12T15:12:00.013-05:00

Last time we promised we would give you an update of the new crock pot we purchased as well as the new flexible silicon bread baking utensil. I think you can see that Pierre really likes the crock pot aka slow cooker.

We have been treated to a number of new and very tasty concoctions.

The freezer is almost full. We will probably have to go out and buy some more Ziploc containers to handle Pierre's creations at the pace he is going. We haven't seen him this excited in a long time.

Here's some of the meals he has tried so far.

Farmer's Sausages & Potatoes - never had sausages that melted in your mouth before. No knife required.
Chicken, Beans & Rice Medley - needed some more liquid. Just a little dry. Might make an interesting alternative cabbage roll filling. The individual flavours don't seem to be absorbed by the overall dish.
Pierre's Tomato Vegtable Soup Base - good on it's own. Just add little bits of almost anything to change it up. (Pierre will feature this in an upcoming show)
Pork Picnic Roast - $3.09 ($0.99/lb.) Tenderizing a tougher cut of meat. Good out of the pot. We will try some interesting meals with the leftovers. Should get upwards of a half a dozen meals out of this one.

Future meals that we want to try

Chili
Perogies
Cabbage Rolls
Meatballs

Baxter tried the new flexible silicon bread "pan". It's hard to call it a pan because it is just as flexible as a wet noodle which means you have to use two hands to control it.

The other pans are going to be added to our Personal Garbage Dump. No sticking, no burning, easy bread removal, easy cleanup. Next purchase will be a muffin pan. We figure you won't have to buy those little paper cups.

Baxter has been experimenting with whole wheat flour with some poor results. Seems this flour doesn't want to rise as easily as white flour. He's gonna' try some blends. We'll get back to you. At least he's getting good at kneeding the dough. He'll share that, too.

We have to make more trips to the grocery store to satisfy Pierre's, and Baxter's newfound curiosity.

...flour, chili stuff, and more 'unny mustard for Baxter and me
...we had to buy more rechargeable batteries. They are not cheap but they will be a better way to spend money in the long run
..."Much better for our overcrowded landfill sites" - Savoia the Save the Earth Guy

...not another new guy

Easy guys! One at a time. Stop confusing our fans.

...nice going Chuckie, on the graphic presentation in this story

If Acquire Photoshop then Result(Object) > Now

Let's go take a peak at The Coffee Shop
..

The Personal Garbage Dump

2008-12-12T11:10:00.048-05:00

What are you doing with that set of encyclopedias that your dad bought you, representing an important gift for its time?

It’s probably sitting in a corner collecting dust along with a lot of other things that were once important to you. It symbolizes how time has passed it by. It’s all because something better came along to replace it. In today’s world that would be the Internet.

What’s in your personal garbage dump? (Share your stuff in the comments box)

Mine includes the following:

Slide rule
Numerous tape recorders and players
Music tapes, vinyl records
Blank tapes
Big speaker boxes
Record turntable
Outdated ski equipment
Cheap power tools
Numerous board games
Books about business
Clusters of floppy diskettes – 5.25” & 3.5”
Graphite shaft golf clubs
My first cell phone
Squash racquets, baseball equipment
Letraset (???)

Soon to be joined by:

Numerous CD players
Music CD’s
Suits, Ties & Dress shirts
Regular baking stuff
A whole host of outdated PC games
A bunch of clunky telephones with cords
Regular colour television
Ordinary stove (not self-cleaning)
A horde of computer equipment (constantly changing or just broken)
Electric piano (non-computerized)

Garage sales and eBay are good places to find a lot of the items from the world’s garbage dump. Everyone is hoping to get a small portion of their original investment back.

Good news. There are people out there that find value in this junk. I really don’t see why.

Maybe we should look more to the less fortunate who might find value in these items we don’t need anymore. Unfortunately, there are lots of people, organizations and businesses that take advantage of this situation.

I recall several companies that collected old clothing on the premise that it was going to go to people in less fortunate countries. Turns out they were selling the cut up material as rags. They squabbled intensely over the price of the second-hand forklift equipment they used to process your gifts.

...most parasites do

Coupons, Coupons, and More Coupons

2008-12-11T13:04:00.016-05:00

.
This link is quite simple to use and will save you money on your next visit to the grocery store. You will need a colour printer to print the coupons. Ours happens to be a Hewlett Packard Deskjet, but any decent quality printer will do.

When you pick your first coupon, send it to print so that the linking page will prompt you to load the printer driver for that site. Load it and run install, and then you can go crazy and print coupons whenever you wish. Our test coupon just happened to be for Orville Redenbacher Popcorn. The team thought that was a good 1st pick.

Just go find the scissors and cut away.

Have fun.

Oh, your welcome.

That $1.09 Went Far!

2008-12-10T20:35:00.012-05:00

Sometimes there are hidden treasures out there if you happen to be lucky enough to trip over them. Its about being in the right place at the right time.

The other day, we were shopping at the local grocery store. It's the medium size full-service type of store, family run with lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, a well-stocked meat counter, hot meal and an in-store deli counter.

When the deli counter starts up the meat slicer, they don't give the first few small trimmings to the customer who has waited patiently to place their personal order whether its in grams or pounds. The staff is there to ensure that you are treated properly. Nothing like a happy customer too keep the cash registering ringing (oh yeah, they don't do that anymore).

The set-up trimmings aren't thrown away. They package them in one of those Styrofoam trays and price it a very reasonable rate and then put it in the self-serve deli section. Since it's very large, you have to be very lucky to find these prizes. Sometimes it's mystery meat but mine was a selection of Italian meats and ham—prosciutto or panchetta, or some other interesting and flavourful meat. If my calculations are correct, at $2.99 a pound, I got a little more than a third of a pound of tasty morsels.

Here's how I used it.

Put some of the meat in a fresh bun purchased at the same nice store and made a sang- a-weech as Luigi calls it.
Chopped some of the meat up into small bits, chopped a sliver of onion, added it to 2 eggs and some milk. Microwave on medium for 4 minutes and you have a western omelette.
Chopped some more and put into Pierre's Make Anyting Wit It Vegtable Soup Base (Pierre will tell you about that later. Makes it in the new crock pot we got the other day. Outstanding!)
Microwaved some of Pierre's cold MAWIV Soup Base out of the crock pot and chopped the last of the meat, a fresh sprig of parsley from Guiseppe's window box (oh yeah, we have to introduce Guiseppe the Gardener later. Next spring is probably a good time)
And every time we took a little bite for the guy doing the preparation. Kind of like a kitchen sales tax.

The team says that's kind of like that guy in that big book from way before they were born.

...it's called the Bible, you bozos

..

Introducing Megabyte the Memory Guy

2008-12-10T12:35:00.013-05:00

New guy on the team. The title tells you his formal name. We refer to him as Meggy. When he first showed up to the team, we called him Scrappy the Scrapbook Guy. He just collected memories in scrapbooks and photo albums. Keepsakes really. Just stuff to look at and smile.

He ended up on the practice squad. He's starting now—Defensive End, sometimes Offensive Guard. Good players get to play both ways on this team.

Meggy's about learning from our past experiences, the good and the bad, what plays worked and what didn't, wins and losses. He reminds us of how important history is in the development of the team. That's what makes us unique.

Meggy will never become Giggy because he just can't retain all that information, so we have a computer to take care of that. The teams getting older. It's getting harder for Meggy to recall stuff with the increased playing time of Raymond, Infinity, Chuckie, Taylor, Bozo and a lot of the rest of the team. Not to mention all the injuries the team has sustained over the years.

...got to find a way to get the rest of the guys more playing time
...oh well, one at a time

Memory chips are cheap today. Last time we looked they were on sale for about 3 cents a megabyte. When the team first starting using computers, memory chips were $1,000 a megabyte (circa 1983-4, Meggy isn't quite sure).

Wonderful phenomenon that takes place in the computer industry all the time. You get more for less. Seems every time we get a new computer, the stuff costs less and does way more. Can't say I know of any other industry where this happens. Maybe you do. Drop us a note in the comments box. Raymond might write about it and he will give you credit for the idea.

Meggy, welcome to the team. Remember when? Probably already used as a blog title. Taylor's using Back in the Day in his site. Yep, Junior is already using that on SPEED. He won't mind, Ned the NASCAR fan says he's getting to be better than even his dad.

...oh yeah, we haven't introduced Ned yet

Meggy, I'll make you a deal. You and Ned go work on a story about some of the old greats, like Ned's first visit to a racetrack, Ted Hogan and Jim Howard, what got him into loving the sport, stuff like that. Deal? OK, good.

Guys, nice practice. Go hit the showers!

..

Their Memory Lives On In Their Songs

2008-12-09T19:27:00.051-05:00

One of the wonderful things about today's technology is how it has saved some of the most wonderful performances in the history of music. The iTunes playing softly in the background set on shuffle mode. The whole team just stopped what they were doing and gathered around the computer and just listened.

The computer is now our best sound system. Gone are the days when you needed 4 foot by 4 foot booming speakers to recreate the true sound of the performers. The clarity is amazing. I've got boxes full of vinyl records and cassette tapes in the basement just sitting. I thought they might have future value like old master's paintings.

Oh sorry, this is Matt the Music Lover talking. The guys on the team forget about me because I'm so often just in the background setting the mood. I like almost every kind of music but pretty much revert back to my favourite—old classic R&B, aka Soul music.

The guys were listening to a more recent version of an old Ray Charles classic Here We Go Again, a wonderful duet with Norah Jones, from the CD, Genius Loves Company. A most unusual blend of significant talents.

The guys stopped because they heard the unmistakable lilting tones of the Hammond B3 organ softly caressing the notes in perfect balance with the rest of the song. I knew that could only be one person performing that way. Sure enough it was. Ray, as he always did, properly introduced Billy Preston when it was his time to perform his solo. Billy had a way with the keyboards like Clapton & B.B. King do with the guitar. They all know how to make their individual instruments beg, plead, shout, scream and cry.

Sadly, Ray and Billy are no longer with us. Brings tears to my eyes writing this. But there's good news. The digital music file has saved for all time, the magic they created. No hisses or pops. No crackles. No skips. Just the sound. You can actually "hear" the silence in these recordings.

How's it hangin' Ray. How's it hangin', Billy. Rock and Roll Heaven truly has a wonderful band.

Thank you. That's right. Bobby's there, too.

..

Thinking Outside The Box

2008-12-09T16:25:00.005-05:00

Traditionalists say the box should be lying flat on it's baseline. And the image is upside down. The colours are all wrong.

Oh, I'm sorry. Let me introduce myself. I am Prentice the Professor. I won't be appearing here very often. The Team thinks I'm much too stuffy for the fans that come to visit—Winston Churchill in sweatpants. That is what most of the team wears.

They are probably wrong but you will decide that for them. Please take a moment and use the comments box to let them know you came to visit.

Now back to the subject at hand, Thinking Outside the Box. It simply means that you look for the less obvious answer or solution to a question or problem. It's everywhere.

The way in which the web is used today is constantly being challenged by those that think outside the box. It was, after all, intended as a method of military communication. Little did the creators know that it would evolve into something more spectacular than just a glorified walkie talkie.

You have met Otto the Out-Of-Left Field Guy. He is an example of someone who thinks outside the box. A little like Robin Williams, only he is like a child in the first day of nursery school and Robin has a Phd. in Wo Did U C That. No one knows (including Robin), what will come out of his mouth next. That is why the talk show circuit loves him so much. You just start him off in one direction and sit back and watch where he takes you next. Be sure you have a change of underwear close by.

Please share your thoughts of those, that you know personally or have seen in action on television or other media, demonstrating their ability to think outside the box.

Thank you for visiting and have a wonderful day.

..

Is This Page 4?

2008-12-09T08:00:00.017-05:00

Where did the phrase "He doesn't know if it's Tuesday or Page 4" come from? I remember it in the context of someone who is so confused that they don't really know where they are in the whole scheme of things, (much like the current world economy).

I posed this question to the team. Their responses were mostly in the form of a lot of head scratching and "I don't knows". All except for Infinity. He said let me "google" that.

Google is a relatively new word to the entire community. Infinity and Chuckie went and looked it up for us.

Main Entry:	google¹
Part of Speech:	v
Definition:	to search for information about a specific person through the Google search engine
Example:	She googled her high school boyfriends.
Etymology:	trademark Google
Usage:	googling n

Source: thesaurus.com

Raymond highly recommends this site to all writers. He uses it religiously when he's looking for the right colour in his palette.

Infinity didn't have much luck. He got a lot of stuff from a computer programmers forum that even Chuckie couldn't help us with. More head scratching. He typed "iif" at the start. Like most of us, Chuckie has fat fingers.

You have to be careful what you type when you google. We have a friend that lives in a relatively new golf course community on a street called Bobby Locke lane. He didn't know who Bobby Locke was/is. We googled it a while back and determined that he was a South African profesionnal golfer of note that was the originator of the golf phrase "Drive for show and putt for dough".

Our friend must have fat fingers like Infinity. He typed "boob" in at the beginning instead of bob.

Didn't get what he was looking for.

...I'm gonna' go try that right now

We also googled "stuff about life"—370 million choices. Raymond has a lot of stuff to write about.

And we googled "BitsByBozoplay"—only 3. Maverick's got a big grin on his face about that one. He came up with the name.

One is about the originator, Bozoplay's profile on Blogger, the other two links to stuff about life. Interestingly enough, one of them is dated on John the Golf Course Guy's 60th birthday. Neat.

The team now has two birthdays to celebrate.

The logo at the top was borrowed from the following source
Google Logos Collection

We had only one comment. Wow! Take a look for yourself.

..

..G

Fat Pants

2008-12-08T16:12:00.012-05:00

It's 2:30 in the afternoon and Raymond, Chuckie and Infinity are finally taking a break and eating something. They helped themselves to Pierre's latest creation using the newly acquired crock pot. The teams consensus—outstanding! Pierre will tell you later why you should get one.

It's hard to get Raymond out of his chair. He's wearing his new "Fat Pants" that we got him the other day. He's really quite comfortable, thank you. He even thinks they help in his creations. Oh, and there's Taylor at the crock pot station. He's got his fat pants on, too.

...I've always got mine on

The crock pot is right next to the microwave. The team likes the idea. They are all just kids and you never know when kids are going to need something to eat. So if they didn't have anything when the crock pot is still in warm mode, they can just spoon some into a bowl and push sensor heat on the microwave and lunch is ready. The dishes are right in front of them in the cupboard, directly above the crock pot. Looks like they're eating healthier, too.

It's important to remember that you should let food cooked in the microwave sit for a bit before you eat it. It's still cooking when you take it out. If you don't wait long enough (usually less than a couple of minutes), you cook lips, tongue and mouth. Make sure there's lots of cold drinks in the refrigerator. The best way to correct this mistake is to drown it with a cold beverage. If you're old enough, a brown pop will do just fine.

You do know what I'm talking about when I use the term Fat Pants. We all own at least one pair. Those are the pants you go put on when you need to feel pampered. They're just like sitting in front of a warm fire. In fact, the two go together like peaches and cream.

As the name implies, they are very loose fitting. Raymond's are that new type that are designed to get more comfortable the more you wear them and the more you wash them.

You know what. I'm gonna get out of my coaches' gear and go put mine on. Yeah, I deserve it. You got yours on?

Our Head Hurts

2008-12-08T12:39:00.010-05:00

But in a good way.

Everyday is full of new and important discoveries. Infinity has found so many new and wonderful things on the internet.

Sorry. We never properly introduced you to Infinity the Internet Explorer, didn't we? When he first came to the the team, we called him Inchie the Internet Guy. We were like most people—skeptical and reluctant to accept the unknown. You see, we didn't understand where he was coming from. All this talk of worldwide community, open access to new and better methods, exciting new plays, new sources for team uniforms. It was way out of our league.

But Infinity wasn't going to give up that easily. So he's been in the background from the beginning. He doesn't get any credit for what he has added to the team. It doesn't bother him in the least. You see, like all stargazers, he got used to people yelling at him with things like "Stop wasting your time on that stupid computer" and "do something useful with your time". They were, like all naysayers, just handicapped by their closed minds.

Infinity had a game plan. He would plug away and explore the unknown because he knew it had all kinds of rewards out there. So he just played. No path. No specific direction. Just go forward and see what's around the next corner.

Welcome to the team, Infinity. The team would like to sincerely apologize for all the insults. You are much too valuable for us to lose you to another team. They're drawing up the no trade clause right now.

No one will call you Inchie ever again.

Do you have an Infinity on your team, or is he still just Inchie?

Please, go right ahead. Share your marvelous new discoveries in the comments' box.

.

Pierre's Make Anytin' Wit It Sauce

2008-12-07T23:28:00.004-05:00

...Bonjour mon ami!

Today, we make da sauce. What you don' use today your gonna' freeze in small containers to make a quick meal a nudder day.

Pierre's Make Anytin' Wit It Sauce

D'Stuff

1 and a 'alf to 2 pounds of lean groun' beef
1 can of prepared tomato sauce
1 finely chopped hunion
groun' pepper
a little sea salt

an' if you like
1 finely chopped green or red pepper
some finely chopped celery

Put da beef and hunion in a 6 cup pyrex bowl
Microwave on 'igh for 5 minoots
Break up da cooked groun' beef with a wooden spoon
Season with lots of pepper and a little salt
Empty da can of tomato sauce and mix dem all togedder
Microwave on low for 1 'our
Put the finished sauce into 1 cup ziploc containers and freeze for lader use

Here are some tings you can make wit dis sauce. Some are faster dan udders. It depends on 'ow much time u have to prepare your meal

on top of any pasta
on bread, 'ow u say, Sloppy Joes
on Pierre's Pizza
Pierre's Shepherd's Pie

Dat's eet!

Goonight my friends

See you nex' time

Bonsoir mes amis

Bozo is a Sports Fan

2008-12-07T18:05:00.014-05:00

This blogging thing is really catching on with the team. You already know that Taylor's got his own address, Stuff123. Well guess what, Bozo has decided to try his hand at blogging in the world of sports on the Fox Sports site. The title is real simple Bozoplay's Blog

Needless to say, it's focus will be the sporting world. To get him started, he's going to draw on the help of the rest of the team and create some links to this site and to Taylor's. Maverick thought that it could help draw some more fans to Bits and maybe some to Stuff.

...don't hold your breath, Taylor
...we're talkin' about sports fans here, not rocket scientists
...just kidding, you bozo

It will be in keeping with the tone here on Bits, "keep it simple stupid" but won't make attempts at humour as often as is tried here. Raymond the Writer is going to help Bozo to show the world that Bo is a lot brighter than what most people think. It's another new challenge for Raymond as well. He's got another hat to wear.

Good luck, Bo. You never know. They might start calling you that at Fox once you make the front page.

Bozo wants Fox to read Mice Print. Take it easy big boy. Wait till they start asking for advice.

.

The Kitchen Stuff

2008-12-06T17:12:00.005-05:00

...bonjour mon ami!

Today we gonna' talk about what you should 'ave in your kitchen to make nice meals. Dis might help for dose dat are moving into dare first apartment or 'ouse, or maybe renting some place to go to school or summer job. Your not gonna' buy this all in one day. Your gonna' do it when you have some money, like payday or when your aunt send you money and says buy someting you like. If it doesn't go in da dishwasher, you don't buy it. 'elen isn't gonna' wash it.

D'microwave
Peasants Chef Knife (see Lee Valley)
Knife sharpener (ceramic or diamond type)
Stainless Steel Pot. You buy da big one to cook pasta (like in da picture). You buy more sizes and types lader on
Stainless Steel Silverware
Stainless Steel Cooking Utensils
Stainless Steel Measureen Spoons and Cups
Several Pyrex measureen cups—1, 2 & 6 cups
two plasteek cudding boards (dishwasher safe)
some plain white corning ware dishes of different sizes
Dishwasher, Stove and Refrigerator/Freezer
Toaster
Electric Kettle
Non'steek Pizza Pan
a really good digital electric timer—Kitchenaid makes a good one
Wooden spoons
Oven mitts
Ziploc containers and freezer bags. Sometimes we gonna' make a big meal and freeze for lader
Tongs (no not d'ting you talk wit, dare like big tweezers)

...sometimes my English is not so good

Dat's eet!

Goonight my friends

See you nex' time

Bonsoir mes amis

He's Different

2008-12-06T13:14:00.007-05:00

New guy just arrived at practice today. We think different is a little bit of an understatement. His name is Otto the Out-of-Left-Field-Guy. What he brings to the team is a unique approach to thinking outside the box.

...more like outside the boxcar

He's not much on tradition, conventional game plans, the tried-and-true approach. He loves trick plays, the blitz and on-side kicks. All good choices if they aren't overused. He makes Killer look like a choir boy.

Most of the guys love him. Infinity found him hanging around on the internet. Maverick thinks he's gonna really help in attracting more fans. Chuckie was instrumental in developing his press photo. Fabrizio was introducing him around on Facebook. Pierre won't let him in his kitchen.

Otto tried out for the team a long time ago. I told him the team wasn't ready for him yet. OK. Otto, we're ready.

Welcome to the team.

We found Bozo and Otto playing full-contact scrabble. Interesting what they came up with.

...uneek is spelled with a q, you bozo

Don't Shop on Friday

2008-12-05T14:56:00.009-05:00

Today we got out of the house and got some fresh air. Batteries are getting low and we needed some different fuel for a change—fresh fruit and vegetables, maybe chicken and beef. Pierre used up all of his "holive oil."

Pierre was much happier after we introduced him to you the other day. He decided to show his appreciation by making something different and also giving himself a treat or two. Pierre went out and bought a slow cooker and one of those silicone bread pans. He likes sharing with you and promised to let you know how this worked out. We got Raymond a new pair of track pants and some long sleeve t-shirts. He works better when he's comfortable.

John the Golf Course guy bought a toy truck for the toy drive at the upcoming Christmas party. He thought it was a good cause. Kids should get toys for Christmas. Don't buy them stuff they really need. Buy them something that will tweak their imagination. Encourage them to dream.

But everybody else seemed to have the same idea. Stores were pretty busy. It is December. Lorenzo fancied a really attractive sales rep at the local grocery store. We reminded him that she was half his age, much too pretty and looked like she could be high maintenance, based on her wardrobe. He never learns.

Pierre was well behaved when he was in the kitchen stuff section of the local crappy tire store. The section is his toy store. He got the pan for Baxter and was looking for something new for Luigi...

Oh sorry, we are so rude. Baxter and Luigi are Pierre's assistants. Baxter the Baker does bread, muffins and cookies, so far. He's gonna' work on expanding the selection soon. Luigi Tartufo, the Sing in the Kitchen Guy, helps Pierre prepare the stuff.

...bet you can't tell where he's from

It's time to get back to work. Maverick wants to send out some invitations to friends to come and visit Pierre. Chuckie's working on his computer art. Taylor's fixed the problem in his blog. He swears all computers are female—they do pretty much what whey want when they want. You don't try and understand them, you just learn to live with their ever changing emotions.

Oh shoot. We forgot to get Maverick his business card stuff and more rechargeable batteries. Yep, they don't last forever. Well, we got another excuse to get some fresh air. Maybe Monday. If you think Friday's bad, never shop on a weekend in December if you can help it. All the crazies are out then.

Gotta' go. See yah.

New Guy In the Front Office

2008-12-05T01:25:00.009-05:00

I heard today that were getting a new guy in the front office to help with our finances. Freddie the Frugal Finance Guy. He was suggested by our friend in the states Loislane26. (pretty good name for a gal in the newspaper business, eh. I thought so, too)

Seems we all have to tighten up on expenses with the way the economy is going. I don't think anybody isn't affected by it.

So Freddie said he'd share his ideas with all of us on ways in which we can tighten the belt and not give up the things we like.

Here's a real simple one form Freddie. Most of us buy prepared tomato/spaghetti sauce because we just never seem to have enough time to make it from scratch. Buy it in jars next time.

When you've used all the sauce up, put the jars in a big pot of boiling water long enough to clean the inside but more importantly to get the label and glue off. Put the lid in the water too. These jars are a great way to store just about anything in the dry food category and let you keep it fresh longer.

It makes a trip to the bulk food store useful for a change and you can cut down on the amount of wasted packaging that we all end up trying to recycle. Here's some of the items you might store in them. We're gonna' clear the entire second shelf in the pantry to make room for them. Most of the stuff you won't need to label because you can see what's inside. It also makes it easier when the jar is empty. You can just throw it in the dishwasher and reuse it all over again.

sugar
coffee, coffee beans
tea bags
powdered milk (used in baking mostly)
powdered drink mixes
pasta shells, macaroni, rotini, etc.
rice
oatmeal
cornstarch
flour
cornmeal
dried fruits like raisins, dates, prunes, cranberries
sesame and flax seeds (used in breads or baking)
salt
chocolate chips
dried coconut

You'll be doing your part for the environment and saving some money while your at it. You might even be eating healthier if you switch to whole wheat in rice, pasta and flour, for example.

...what about my gummy bears

Yah. that'll work too. All the kids in the house need a treat once in a while. Especially, the older ones like me.

Green Side Up

2008-12-04T21:27:00.005-05:00

This is an old joke but John the Golf Course Guy gets to tell it while we wait for the group ahead to clear. It fits the location, if nothing else.

There is a contractor (the Mike Holmes type) and his client talking in the upstairs bedroom of the new house that he's building. MIke leans out the window and yells "Green side up!"

Mike and the client continue their conversation about the upgrades and a few minutes later, Mike excuses himself and leans out the window and shouts "Green side up!"

This goes on a few more times before the client says to Mike "Why are you doing that?"

Mike responds with "Oh, my subcontractors are kind of slow. You have to retrain them every few minutes. They're laying sod.

Murphy Lives In The Internet

2008-12-04T19:45:00.005-05:00

I'm sure by now you are more than familiar with Murphy's law. If you aren't, the link here with Wiki will give you way more information than you asked for but it does explain the concept.

Taylor was trying to write something on his site about our new internet friend, gordo and another story about the golf course police. So he went banging away on the editor that they provide (it's a lot more complicated than this one). He took the same approach he did in the other stories he wrote and they were fine.

But when he pushed the save button, Murphy jumped out in front and blocked the move and vwoop all his formatting and line breaks all magically disappeared. So he didn't give up. He tried it all over again— and the same thing happened. Even got Chuckie to put in HTML code for line breaks and vwoop they magically disappeared when we saved the edit. Murphy got us again.

So Taylor calls a huddle with Chuckie and Maverick. They kick it around and come up with a pretty neat plan. Instead of trying to find support (which you usually can never find), they decide to write another story explaining the problem in detail. We used our friend up here to get some attention. It's all sitting on the homepage.

Why Does It Do That?

We'll see who drops by and comes to our rescue. We did put out feelers in the forum and I think we sent an email to somebody in support. We'll see who comes to our aid first.

...pretty nifty guys

...loook out Murphy, we don't get mad, we get even

"I used to play a lot of golf"

2008-12-04T14:06:00.004-05:00

A quote that we got while playing Tribal Wars online from a member of the tribe, gordo king. It came up in the chat conversation somehow. Triggered the idea for this story.

Ever since John the Golf Course Guy started working, we kinda' lost interest in the game. In fact, Graham the Golfer didn't even take the clubs out of the basement this season.

...not even once

I guess when you work at a course, you spend so much time greeting customers and driving around and fixing stuff, that by the time you are finished your shift you just want to go home and take a shower.

But I think more of it has to do with the fact that golf is really a social game. It's a lot more fun when you play it with a group of friends. A lot of them have got other things to do or have joined private courses and are financially obligated to make use of that membership. And some are now just hangin' (See How's It Hangin'...)

But I've made new friends. They've asked me to come play, but I always say No thanks. They don't ask anymore.

...OK Graham, we'll talk to Robbie, Ryan, Alex

...see if they'll let us play

...The Three Stooges are a lot of fun

...you think they'll let the old guy play

...last year for the course next year

...building those monster homes

...pretty hard for the owners to turn down that kinda' money

Introducing Pierre the Chef

2008-12-03T23:00:00.028-05:00

Pierre is having another fit again. Says he doesn't get enough respect around here. He's threatening to go back to France.

... again.

Well, he does have a knack with the simple stuff. He's not really a chef, more of a short order cook. Pierre made an awesome pizza tonight for the crew. Raymond didn't eat anything all day until like 3:30 in the afternoon. He doesn't even remember what it was.

Pierre's recipes will be simple, tasty and even simpler to prepare. All the stuff gets left for Helen the Housekeeper to take care of. We're thinking of firing Helen. She doesn't do much of anything around here—mostly eats bonbons and watches soaps.

...yah, you're right

...she does sound more like Peg Bundy than Goldie Hawn

And so without further ado, Here's Pierre's first recipe.

...merci mon ami

Pierre's Pizza

Very tasty. Most of da ingredients are in your pan-tree

D'Stuff for da Dough

2 cups of 'ole w'eat flour

1 cup of water

1/2 tbsp. of yeasda

1 tbsp shoogar

1 tbsp. holive oil, margareen or budder

1 tsp. salt

First put de water in a pyrex mixing cup and add da yeasda. Put it in da microwave for 60 secon

...what, use a pot

...are you crazy!

...dat witch 'ellen, will be screamin' all afternoon

...go watch your soaps, woman

Mix da stuff togedder in a bowl—aluminum is easier to work wid. Da dough gets steeky.

...yeh, I do sound like dat French-Canadian guy on dat cooking show

...but I'm much bedder looking

Cover it wit a big lid or someting. Let it stand for an hour. Go play poker or some games on your computer or watch da soaps wit 'ellen.

D'Rest of da Stuff

1 coarsely chopped hunion

1 cup of Pierre's Make Anyting Wit It Sauce

...oh, I'm so sorry dese bozos didn't introduce me until now

...I forgot I 'aven't shown you 'ow to make my sauce

...OK we'll do dat nex time

...you use a cup of dat prepared stuff in da jar dis time, but juss dis time. OK?

1/2 a ball of mozzarella cheese cut into chunks

a little bit of holive oil

some cornmeal

Unny mustard and Etalian spices

...you keep da jars close, we use dem more dan once

'ours up. Sprinkle some cornmeal on da pan so it doesn't steek. Take da dough and tro' it into da pizza pan. Get da really good non-steek one. We use dat again and again. We talk about what you should 'ave in your kitchen to do Pierre's style of fine French cook-king sometime soon.

If you don't 'ave a microwave, get one. Da one wit da genius settings is good. No guesswork. Just poosh buttons and wait.

Take a flat measureen cup—da 1 cup is good. Put a little flour on da dough and spread it aroun on da pan. Push it into the hedges wit da cup. Sprinkle di Etalian spice all over, a little holive oil, spread da sauce all aroun, tro' d'onions on top and den da cheese. Squirt some unny mustard on top. Some more Etalian spice. Take a fork an' poosh da dough so eets tight to de hedges of da pan. Put it in d'oven.

...Oops, we forgot to pre-eat di oven to 425 degrees farenHite

...OK. So we wait a little longer

...Pierre can have some wine

Put it in d'oven for 20 minoots. When it's done. Take it out. Let it sit for a few minoots and cut into nice size pieces an enjoy.

Dat's eet!

Goonight my friends

See you nex' time

Bonsoir mes amis

...editing Pierre's speech is really tough

...spellchecker might as well take a holiday

...and we don't speak much French either

The image was taken form Flickr. I don't know how to find the creator. Read the story. It's cute. I did find the name of Pixel Packing Mama but no contact info. She obviously loves cats and has a unique approach to storytelling. I'm not sure if Cream is still with us, but they do say that cats have 9 lives. Looks like it's going to be interesting watching Cream's new life.

SPCA cat named Cream

The Poker Gang

2008-12-03T13:23:00.001-05:00

If you read The B17 System, this article will give you some idea of the playing styles that you can use to support it. The way I play, it involves the use of four unique characters who get to play the game at various times. May I introduce Killer, Bozo (he's everywhere), Titus and Ernie.

It's not a coincidence that there are four members to this squad. They go hand in hand with the four engine system of the B17. Here's who gets to play when we have the following number of engines.

Ernie
Titus
Bozo
Killer

We'll start with 4 engines and work our way down to 1—small stack, soon to be out of the game, unless we get lucky.

Killer

We like to play Killer. He's a daredevil. He likes to call all-in a lot. He can get you into trouble with his reckless abandon, but he can also get you to the final table.

Bozo

Bozo is, of course, a clown. He doesn't fear calling all-in in the right places. I think he gets to play the most because he's good buddies with Kenny Rogers—You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em......

...if you play poker enough that song will go through your brains several thousand times in your poker life

...I think Daniel Negreanu is a Bozo

...no, I'm serious

...I think that's his playing style, most of the time

Titus

I think he's English. He's kinda' conservative. He only plays strong hands. If he wins hands, he tags Bozo who goes back in the game, sometimes even Killer.

Ernie

Ernie's an accountant. We really don't like playing Ernie, but you know, he can surprise you. His job is to get the other guys back in the game. He's gonna' have to call all-in soon. With any luck, he gets the team back in the game. If he doesn't, the other guys pat him on the back and say, "Nice try, Ern. We'll get 'em next time."

...you know, Poker is a fun game, especially if you play like Bozo

...as opposed to playing like a bozo

...remember what your Mom taught you—table manners

...enjoy the game

Daniel Negreanu biography link courtesy of PokerStars.com

Consider It a Cup Of Coffee With a Friend

2008-12-03T12:11:00.002-05:00

When you sit down at your favourite local coffee spot with a friend you haven't seen in a while, you both find you fight over who's going to pay. You see, the warm conversation, and the joy you feel, is far more valuable than the relatively small hit that your wallet takes.

And so it should be. Spending time with a friend can very seldom be considered a waste of time.

So here's a thought for you. When you visit someone on their blog, share a cup of coffee with them. That's the spirit of the Donate box. Let them know that you enjoyed your time together.

And for bloggers that don't have this set up, set yourself up with PayPal as a Premier customer (which allows for donations). They do a great job of making it quite simple to paste the HTML code into your blog homepage. They even provide a simple way to produce the button and all the necessary code. You can shop on eBay as well with this service.

...it's nice to say thank you

...shows your warm side

(A note to those who have their own blogs. Feel free to post a link to this page, especially if you think the concept has merit and would like to share it with your readers. You have to pay for all the batteries in the cordless mouse somehow. By the way, get rechargeable ones, it's easier on our landfills.)

And here's another thought. You might choose a different name that you would be more comfortable with for "The Coffee Shop." Here's some of my suggestions. Feel free to use the comments to suggest your own.

The Collection Plate
The Watering Hole
The Community Centre
Town Hall
My Children Thank You
My Cat Needs Food
The Bus Stop
The Candy Store
Mad Money
School Supplies
Thanks for the Coin
Mouse Batteries

There's Some Guys You Hold The Bus For

2008-12-02T23:08:00.001-05:00

Quote from John Madden - Sunday Night Football - November 30, 2008

Coach Madden was commenting on how some players are worth making exceptions for because they have proven through their hard work in practice and on the field that they will get special treatment. Every championship calibre team in all sports has players who match this description.

On our team, that would include Chuckie, Bozo, Raymond, Infinity and, most recently Maverick.

...Maverick got us accepted in the Pokerstars Business Program today

...gave the team a real lift

...a high quality operation thinks we're worthy

...we're pumped

We'll hold the bus for these guys, if necessary. They have shown that they are in this together. The future looks real bright. It just could be a championship season.

The Difference Between Bozo and a bozo

2008-12-02T22:33:00.007-05:00

I was looking for a way to write this article. It wrote itself today. His name is Sean Avery. He could be the poster boy for the definition of a bozo.

My oldest brother cautioned me about writing about Bozo and bozo. He said your readers won’t get it. I think he doesn’t give you enough credit.

You see Bozo is a clown. He’s fun. He loves people. He just wants to make them laugh. That’s what makes him wear those big shoes, the orange hair, the bulbous nose, He is not afraid to laugh at himself. He makes friends easily.

A bozo is an idiot. He thinks he’s funny. Little does he know that people see right through his weak attempts at humour. The bozo looks down at other people. He just wants to dominate them. He laughs at other people. A bozo wouldn’t know what a friend really is.

Professional hockey players earn a lot more now than they did in the day when I dealt with them as a representative for an equipment manufacturer. For the most part, they treated you with respect and still do today. It’s not their fault that owners choose to pay them exorbitant salaries for playing a simple game. Generally, they work at earning that salary and the fans' respect.

But some of them have simple minds. Case in point is Mr. Avery. His attack on former girlfriends was exactly what a bozo does.

I wonder what he will be doing in his next career.

...no comment

Now Appearing – The Team

2008-12-02T12:32:00.015-05:00

This article will give us a peak at the cast of characters that appear in this blog. In future articles, Raymond and Taylor are going to write more detailed profiles about the make up of members of the BitsByBozoplay community. Raymond and Taylor are both excited about the prospects of documenting these bios.

Unfortunately, the formatting capabilities of this editor don’t allow for the easy construction of a proper table so this is going to be a little longer than we would like. We haven’t learned that skill in HTML code yet. Most everybody will get a link to their profile file which will make it easy to figure out which one’s have already been written.

As you may know, I don't believe you are one dominant personality type. People are not that simple. We evolve and some traits just go into hiding. This voyage was truly an eye-opener. You might want to try it yourself.

...takes a fair bit of courage

...pretty good workout for the tear ducts, too

This list provides the name of the team member followed by a primary personality trait, a speaking voice(s) and current status on the team.

Think of it as an NFL team. I'm not sure which one. The names have been carefully chosen by using Babynames.com to help me with that selection.

...Bran wasn't there
...he's pretty full of himself

The Team

Baxter the Baker
dependable
Julia Childs
Special Teams
Bering the Bicycle Guy
explorer
Neil Armstrong/Christopher Columbus
Retired
Bozoplay, aka Bozo
child
Goofy
1st string quarterback
Bran the Businessman
boring
Queen Elizabeth/Principal Skinner (The Simpsons)
Injury Reserve
Captain the Forklift Rental Manager
proud
Tom Selleck/Sam Albione
Retired
Chuckie the Computer Geek, aka Gorbie the Gamer
broad
Bill Gates
Offensive Centre
Coach
helpful
John Madden/John P.
Head Coach, of course
Corky the Customer Service Guy
helpful sponge
young Pete Chapman (Cooper)/Michael J. Fox
Special Teams
Dante the Dreamer
in the clouds
Martin/Luther King /Tim Allen (ahhuuhh)
1st String Wide Receiver
Ernie
nerd
Les Nessman (WKRP)/Smithers (The Simpsons)
The Water boy
Faith the Friend
caring
Oprah
1st String Middle Linebacker
Fabrizio the Facebook Freak
dangerous
The Godfather
1st String Outside Linebacker
Frank the Forklift Salesman
lacks confidence
Bob Newhart
Retired
Fred the Fisherman
all wet
Bob Izumi
Injury Reserve
Giuseppe the Gardener
caring
old Godfather
Special Teams
Graham the Golfer
confused
Jackie Stewart
Injury Reserve
Gump the Goalie
ordinary but fun
Johnny Bower
Retired
Gus the Guitar player
free
Eric Clapton/B. B. King/Dominic Troiano

Injury Reserve
Helen the Housekeeper
lazy
Goldie Hawn
3rd String Defensive Back
Infinity the Internet Explorer formerly Inchie the Internet Guy
all seeing
the billions & billions Guy (Carl Sagan)
1st String Tailback
JC the Skier
adventurous
Jean Claude Killy
Retired
Joe the Football player
he tries hard
Dan Marino/John Elway/Joe Montana/Mike Singletary/Mark Bavaro/Mike Ditka
Retired
John the Golf Course Guy
helpful
George Carlin
2nd String Tailback (plays weather permitting)
Killer
pit bull
Moe (3 Stooges)
2nd String Wide Receiver
Lorenzo the Lover
sexy
Fernando (from SNL)
Retired
Lucifer the LOST fan
scary
Vincent Price
Retired
Matt the Music Lover
open
Dick Clark
Placekicker
Maverick the Marketing Guy
different
Jerry Seinfeld
Special Teams (Kick Return)
Max the Music Composer
off the wall
Elton John
Injury Reserve
Ned the NASCAR fan
alive
Ned Jarrett/DW (good ole boy)
Special Teams
Oprah the Sales Clerk
plain but helpful
toned down Oprah
Injury Reserve
Pandora the Politician
stuffy
John Diefenbaker
Punter
Peter the Sales & Marketing Guy
breaks new ground
Peter Smith & Jones
Retired
Philander the Philosopher
full of it
Bill Cosby/George Carlin/Billy Crystal/Robin Williams/Doc (Back to the Future)/Jonathan Winters/Rodney Dangerfield/Tim Allen, et al
1st String Wide Receiver (High Maintenance like TO)
Pierre the Chef
simple & fun
Emeril/Jamie Oliver
Defensive Line
Prentice the Professor
stuffy
Winston Churchill
Special Teams
Raymond the Writer
creative
Tim Allen/Ray Kahnert
Offensive Coordinator
Roman the Runner
determined
Porky Pig
Retired
Sawyer the Squash Player
average
Apu (The Simpsons)
Retired
Spike the Sports fan
interested
Dutchy from TSN
Offensive Left Tackle
Steve the Sporting Goods Sales Guy
helpful
Gonzo (Brian)/Pete Chapman
Retired
Stuart the Statistician
detailed (kinda' anal)
Albert Einstein
Defensive Back
Taylor the Teacher
all knowing
James Earl Jones/Harry Sutton
1st String Safety
Titus
conservative
Prince Charles
Nose Tackle
Walt the Woodworker
simple
Bob Villa/Tim the Toolman Allen/Homer Simpson
Special Teams
Walter the WWII guy
proud
Walter Kronkite
Special Teams

Fabrizio is the newest member of the team. He and Raymond are playing both ways.

Learning By Poking Around

2008-12-02T00:59:00.012-05:00

That's pretty much the way I've learned stuff throughout my lifetime. It does have its good and bad sides.

...kinda' explains why we didn't become an electrician or go work for the gas company

The graphic you see here (upper right), is something that Chuckie the Computer Geek developed by poking around. He took a graphic that he found on the internet and just started playing with colour saturation, hue, contrast and other image qualities until he found something that he liked. Pretty creative.

In another story My First Computer, I told you how we got into computers and learned by doing. Programming computers is nothing more than a simple logic sequence—if, then, else.

It goes like this—if something takes place then you do this else you do something else. The trick is keeping the something else under control or it ends up sending your computer into an endless loop. I'm sure you all have experienced your computer locking up and more than once. If you haven't, you probably still use a slide rule (go to Wikipedia at this link Slide Rule Wiki's got a Coffee Shop you know, right in their masthead. They're not ashamed to show it)

My current poking around learning program is blogging. As I write this I've been at it about a week. I think we're doing pretty well. In fact Taylor has opened up another site Stuff123 where he's going to speak in his language. Remember that cool teacher that got you sitting up in your chair because it was interesting, fun and you could understand it. That's the approach in this blog. (First day was today). You'll see some of the stories repeated but with a little different take. The sites a little more formal too. I think the Brits and Germans might like it better than this one.

...yah, a lot of people don't get me

...I think the hair and the big shoes scare them

...I'm just having fun

I'm way past the formal training programs that are offered out there. I guess I was just disappointed by all the training sessions that I went to that I felt I knew more about the subject than the speaker and I didn't know that much. I was there to learn and they weren't teaching anything that was going to get you to learn more.

So I will continue to poke around and we will share what we find with you. Taylor's gonna' do most of that on the other site but we'll share his findings here.

No, this hasn't been Taylor talking here. He's busy this week over in Stuff123. No, it's Coach speaking. Yep, just Coach—no first name, no last name (you see, that's another story)

The Favourite Reading Room

2008-12-01T19:23:00.008-05:00

Just like the fact that everyone at a party ends up in the kitchen, I think that we all would choose the same room in the house for the perusal of our favourite reading material. That room would, of course, be the family bathroom. Some people are lucky enough to have a choice. They don’t have to climb the stairs if they don’t want to.

When we were a lot younger, we used to mail away for all kinds of fishing catalogues and other printed matter that had the sole purpose of being suitable research material for use within the privacy of this sanctuary. The room had a way of telling you when it was time to leave—your legs went numb.

Things haven’t changed much today. The youth of today carries on the tradition but instead of taking printed material into the room, they take their laptop computer in with them.

Good things don’t change. The technology just tries to keep pace.

The B17 System

2008-11-30T12:07:00.014-05:00

When I was first learning Texas Hold'em, I was pretty much winning by dumb luck. Poker players know that you need something more than that to continue successfully. So I went in search of a system and, low and behold, I ended up developing one that was simple enough for to me to understand.

I'll call it the B17 system. It's in reference to the mainstay of the U. S. bombing campaign on Germany. This old lady was pretty tough. It had four engines and it didn't need all four to fly, albeit it couldn't carry out the mission without all four being operational.

With four engines, it was in attack mode. With three, it was possible to continue but caution should be taken. With two, it was now in defensive mode and would have to return to base. With only one engine operational, it was in the "on a wing and a prayer mode."—get it home anyway you can.

So here's the parallel for poker. We'll assume you know what blinds and chip-stack mean.

If you don't there's a ton of sites out there to check this out.

( Poker terms from Pokerstars is a link to a play money site page for inquiries about poker terms. If you don't already know, .net is a play money site, .com is the cash site and you can also take part in play money games on . com. You decide which is better for you. Do not play for real money until you are ready.)

If your chip-stack is 16 -20 times the big blind, you are running on all four engines (5 times the big blind = 1 engine). You can be reckless and play most any hand. You can bully the other players into submission. It's much like you are in a big raid with fighter escort.

If your chip-stack is 11- 15 times the big blind, you are running on 3 engines. You need to be a little more cautious here. It's only wise to play with stronger hands. Where'd the fighters go.

If your chip-stack is 6-10, you're on 2 engines. Time to play it safe. Consider playing only pockets pairs and big Aces. Returning to base. Roger that...

And if it's 5 or less, you're on 1 engine and about to crash, so pick a landing site carefully. You have to decide what hand you are going to go all-in with. Mayday! Mayday!

...I usually hold on to the last possible hand unless something better comes along like pocket pairs

...not unlike getting an engine to re-fire in a B17

It's not foolproof but it's a pretty good guideline to follow. So if you learning the game, this might help you a little.

...my hat is off to those who flew the B17 in World War II

...for me the movie Memphis Belle did a nice job of giving us an idea of what it was like to fly a mission

...(you know how to Google, look the movie up)

...but I still think it is awfully hard to depict what really took place inside those birds

...they were all just kids, and a lot of them didn't get to see what life had ahead of them

...Thank you

....losing at poker is kinda' insignificant

Go to Warbird Alley

I Am a Two Finger Typist

2008-11-30T08:47:00.007-05:00

Actually, I'm not. This was included in an email response from a good friend. I have the greatest respect for Pete and I was looking for some honest feedback on my blog. I'm sure Pete will recognize that some of his personality traits have rubbed off on me. And I don't need to know what he might think about my blog right now. He will find a way to tell me when he's ready.

And it's OK, we don't have to communicate on the computer. We will do it the old fashioned way. We'll go have a cup of coffee.

To me, the statement regarding the two finger typist thing is a metaphor, or maybe a polite reminder that not everybody is on the same page as you are.

I had a bad habit of jumping ahead in people's story, completing sentences, telling the punch-line before they finished the joke—truly annoying stuff.

Bill, a coworker, snapped me out of this disgusting habit. He would come into my office to discuss a major customer's predicament. He would start at A, provide pertinent details, go to B when A was completed, and so on. I, like a bozo, would jump to M.

Well Bill had a great way of putting me in my proper place. He would just start all over at A, provide pertinent details and continue on with B. If I jumped to G, he would start all over at A and so forth.

...it's kinda' like watching a dog going through its ceremony when it wants to lay down

...it goes around around in circles until it's good and ready to lay down

...if you interrupt him, he just starts the whole procedure from the beginning

I don't jump to M anymore. In the long run, the time you were looking to save gets wasted in even bigger chunks.

So show some respect for all the two finger typists out there. Your way isn't necessarily the better way—it's just different.

...there's no need to prove to your friends that you can be a bozo

...they already know that

...that's why they love you

Grey Means You Aren't Wasting Ink

2008-11-29T17:18:00.005-05:00

I've been using a personal computer now for at least 25 years. In the past year or so, I tripped over a very significant yet simple discovery while setting my fonts in any program.

If you set it to grey (50-60% black), your black toner cartridge lasts a lot longer. It has the added advantage of being softer on the eyes (ears if you are reading) and is certainly less formal.

...suits me just fine

...I'm hardly what you could consider as a formal kinda' guy

You will certainly have noticed that I chose grey for the main body of text in this blog. That's Taylor the Teacher speaking. He likes to think he's that cool teacher you had, back in the day, that got you to lean forward in your seat and listen to what he was sharing with you. He didn't wear ties or suits. He was a lot more like an older friend. He got you to learn stuff.

...the maroon, well that's just Bozo thinking out loud

...I guess he's kinda' colourful

But Grey Means You Aren't Wasting Ink has an even more powerful meaning for me. I'm on the other side of the century trip so greying has another meaning for me.

As we get older, we don't (or shouldn't) be tripping over our feet as much. We should be digging into our memory banks and applying that which we have experienced. But that doesn't mean I don't stumble and fall anymore.

...Bozo is alive and well

...it's kinda' hard to kill a clown

...mostly made of rubber

From One Browser To Another

2008-11-28T21:31:00.005-05:00

Why is that different browsers display the same page with peculiar little mutations? As a new blogger, I'm finding out through good old trial and error what works and what doesn't.

...it still is pretty much the best way to learn

...you need to first fail before you actually learn

I have been switching back and forth amongst Firefox, Explorer and Safari, trying to find one that works best for everything I want to do on the PC. Not gonna happen. The blogging editor that I am using (that Google has been so nice to provide for nothing) appears to be very picky as to which browser you run it in. I finally settled on Safari because everything functions and it seems to position everything in the right place. Explorer works next best but some stuff takes more than a full screen so you end up scrolling a lot. Firefox just doesn't like this program. The editor is just screwed up so it isn't a good choice for creation or editing.

Strangely, each browser displays the blog in view mode somewhat differently. This is very important to remember if you are writing your own blog. Just because it looks good on your screen, doesn't mean it will on someone else's.

The reason I don't settle on one browser is that each has its own strengths and weaknesses. I have a particular game that I like that I play via Facebook (Mafia Wars). Some of the functions don't work in Safari and each browser displays the fonts and action buttons differently. I like the way you can customize Firefox with add ons. So I will continue to bounce back and forth.

I found setting up my blog as home page in Safari to be quite handy. Just minimize it when it's resting. You can call it up in a flash when the light goes on with that brilliant idea that you just have to write about.

...it's still a whole lot better than my old DOS days

...using DOS has left its scars

...I still pretty much do one thing at a time

...but then again, multitasking has its limitations (yet, another topic)

The Rambler

2008-11-28T20:20:00.004-05:00

(With apologies to Kenny Rogers)

(Sung to the tune of the Gambler)

On a warm summer’s morning

On a green grassy fairway

Met up with a foursome

We were both too tired to speak

So we took turns a swearin’

At the golf balls and the hazards

A threesome overtook us

And we began to speak

He said men I’ve spent a lifetime

Of reading people’s backswings

Knowing where the ball goes

By the way they held their clubs

So if you don’t mind me saying

I can see you’re slicin’ badly

And I ain't no expert

But I’ll give you some advice

So I showed them a golf grip

Got to learn it from your golf pro

Teed the ball and swung away

And started hitting straight

And the play got deathly quiet

And their faces they said thank you

So if you’re gonna’ learn the game boy

You got to learn to play it right

You got to know when to shut up

Know when to play through

Know when to zip it up

Know when to leave

You never tell the punch line

In the middle of their backswing

They’ll be time enough for laughing

When the swingings done

And when he finished speaking

He turned back to the foursome

Wished them all the best of luck

And drove off down the path

And somewhere on the golf course

The rambler he got even

And in his final pass

Found a Pro-V he could keep

You got to know when to shut up

Know when to play through

Know when to zip it up

Know when to leave

You never tell the punch line

In the middle of their backswing

They’ll be time enough for laughing

When the swingings done

Mice Print

2008-11-28T19:24:00.010-05:00

As I'm new to world of blogging, I started snooping around in other people's sites. I was sort of amazed at the number of sites that used very small fonts. People, you have to realize something. Not everybody has 20/20 vision. I stopped reading mice print a long time ago.

...needless to say, I didn't spend too much time on these sites

...I'm certainly no expert but I spent a lot of years in marketing

...an inviting presentation gets return customers

There is nothing more annoying to me than to pick up a package in the grocery store and find that the they have jammed all the important instructions onto the end flap using mice print (like 5 or 6 points).

...Wikipedia defines a point as rounded to an even 72 points to the inch

...it's a measure for typefaces used in desktop publishing

...if you use Word or Excel you are already familiar with this concept

Granted some of the reasoning for needing to go to a small font is some of the extra stuff that's on the package—UPC codes, warning labels, et al. Still we are getting older and not even a pair of "bang on" prescription eyeglasses is going to solve this problem.

So my message to all writers, packaging designers and young graphic design people is

Write bigger

...do the same thing in all caps and it looks like you are shouting

...learned that in the chat window while playing on Pokerstars

...the only problem with getting older is that your arms aren't long enough

...ever notice gramps trying to read the newspaper without his reading glasses

...maybe the newspaper should use a larger font

And sometimes I'm Just a bozo. So I discovered, if you use Ctr ++ (Ctrl key and + key depressed at the same time) in any of the three browsers I tried, the text will enlarge and can be made easier to read. It actually is making the page larger on the screen so it results in chopping some of the display off. It wasn't what the author intended but it certainly makes it more readable.

Mentors - Take 2

2008-11-28T13:39:00.007-05:00

(Maybe read Thanking Your Mentors first)

To Ken Ryder & Tom Kearns, thank you.

...Hows' it hangin'?, Mr. Kearns?

..Hows' it hangin'?, Mr. Ryder?

These two fine gentlemen were responsible for teaching me the ropes at a major sporting goods manufacturer (they were known for hockey equipment mostly, Cooper Sporting Goods). I was working as a Customer Service Representative then. They taught me the importance of customers—both external and internal.

They were veterans of the sales wars, going back to the day when all "travelers" wore hats, sample rooms were set up in a Trans Canada train. They earned your respect in about the first three seconds of meeting them.

My favourite recollection of the pair in action, was when I was promoted to Junior Team Sales Representative (University, Junior A, U.S. Colleges, et al). They extended the invitation to come down to the sales reps' office and they would "teach me everything you need to know about selling."

...Bozo's tail was wagging at about 8o miles per hour at this point

...Oh boy, Oh boy, Oh boy! (tongue hanging out to his knees)

...he was really wet behind the ears back then

So we summoned up the courage to make the pilgrimage to a place I had never been before—the most venerable abode of the masters, the sales reps' office. The two masters cordially invited me in and got right to it. Here's the wisdom they shared with me.

"John, make sure you add 10% to everything in your sales expenses because you will forget things you should have claimed. That's all you need to know. You already know all the rest."

...I learned about mutual respect that day

...how you earn it

...how you keep it

...writing about good people who are only in our thoughts now always make me teary-eyed

...respect has a long shelf life

How's It Hangin'? How's It Goin'?

2008-11-28T12:15:00.005-05:00

If you read enough of my stuff, you will see the use of these statements when I refer to someone in an article. Both are meant to be an expression of deepest respect, a simple it's good talking to you.

The difference is really quite simple. How's It Hangin'? is used in reference to those who are sadly no longer with us in the flesh but are not forgotten. They were an important stop along the way.

How's It Goin'? is used in reference to those who are still kicking their feet in the sand (as opposed to sleeping under it).

...need to spend more time with the goers

I'd like to extend a How's It Hangin'? to Rodney Dangerfield. When I visited his website, I was touched by the respect his friends had for him and saddened by the thought that they felt he hadn't got the respect he so richly deserved. So Rodney, I'll say, "Gimme one of these™".

...it's probably not actually a trademark, but he made it famous
...How's It Hangin'? Rodney
...How's Dr. Vinnie?
...do you remember Dr. Vinnie Boombotts (one of the funniest names ever!)

...yep, it is a little better to be goin' than hangin'
...way too soon to be fertilizer

Life Experiences 101

2008-11-28T10:05:00.003-05:00

One of weakest parts of the education system, just about everywhere, is its inability to prepare students for the simple tasks in life. That was pretty much the job of parents, neighbours, friends and caring schoolteachers. Few take the time, or have it, to pass on this simple wisdom.

Here is an example of an eyebrow-lifting event in my past. I was at a party located in an apartment where the tenants had moved almost all of their belongings. It was the final celebration of this abode. At the end of the evening, there were a few of us left in the room where everybody ends up in a party – the kitchen, of course. All that was left in the cupboard was some instant coffee, a pot and a few cups. There was no kettle in site. So we boiled the water on the stove.

Little “C”, who was in her second year of university actually said this – “How do you tell when the water is boiled?” We jokingly replied, “It’s brown on the top.” Needless to say most of us were dumbfounded by the question because she was serious.

…I don’t think she actually graduated
…probably completed her MRS degree first

What I am proposing is that we need to get back to the basics in the education system – Reading, Writing, Arithmetic, Home Economics, Woodworking, Grammar, Respect, etc.
Start it in grade school, through high school and on throughout higher levels.

…more topics to write about
…Stephen, in the shop, says my head is full of useless information
…I think they call that knowledge
…funny how you will come to use it again and again

Can you make a grilled cheese sandwich?

Jen, in the golf shop, described how she buttered the toast, put in the cheese and threw it in the microwave. There happened to be an older customer in the shop who expressed his opinion that, no no, that’s not how it is done. He described the time-honoured ceremony of buttering the bread on the outside; placing the cheese on the inside and cooking it in the frying pan.

…At least Jen can make a cheese sandwich.
…Jen’s version is probably a little healthier though

So let’s group the simple stuff into one course – call it Life Experiences 101. Teachers will be selected from all walks of life but the more experienced the better.

…I think I might be qualified

…BitsByBozoplay is the first stage of groupings within Facebook, now a blog, and ultimately (with any luck) paperbacks for those that prefer to do their reading in the comfort of their favourite chair, bathtub, toilet, lawn chair, park, etc,
…I think the recipes will appear in a grouping called “Pierre's Kitchen”
…I just made an egg sandwich in the microwave with egg, margarine, milk, ketchup, honey mustard, fresh chives and basil
…tasty try out

…I don’t mean to insult you by calling you a Bozo
…you see, I am Bozo (no, not a Bozo. Just Bozo to my friends)
…if I wanted to insult you I would have called you a bozo
…you may have noticed that I don’t give out names for people doing negative stuff
…that’s respect, isn’t it?

…yet another article

...I do ramble, don't I?

The Perfect Hand

2008-11-28T00:55:00.008-05:00

What makes the perfect hand in the game of Texas Hold’em

…the Perfect Hand starts when the hole cards are dealt – the King and Queen of hearts
…husband & wife – dad & mom
…the flop is Jack, 10 & 9 of hearts, no particular order
…it represents the beginning
…your children
…they like each other and play well together, they like adventure, they’re safe and nearby
…any professional poker player will tell you that this is already a winning hand – almost impossible to beat
…the turn card can be almost anything
…it symbolizes change
…it’s only purpose, in the perfect hand, is to give the other players hope
… something to cling to for the now defeated or it may send a message that maybe, this journey should end
…now comes the river – the Ace of Hearts
…just an exclamation point
…confirmation that you were on the right track all along
…rewarding the player with the just rewards that an invincible hand deserves
…this river is sparkling and clear
…the river also serves to dash the hopes of the pretenders, the false prophets of what is important in life
…their hand was inadequate

…to them the river is dirty
…it hints of probable failure, an unpleasant outcome for the opposition
…and why hearts?
…simple
…love is all around

…yes, you can win with the same hand in clubs, diamonds and spades
…clubs represent your church, your team, your place of work, your group of friends
…diamonds represent wealth – spiritual and monetary, your health and well-being
…spades represent hard work and loyalty, strength and conviction

…most people will agree, family is the most important of them all
…I think that’s pretty close to perfect

Thanking Your Mentors - While They Are Still Here

2008-11-28T00:32:00.006-05:00

I regret not having the opportunity to say thank you to those wonderful and inspirational individuals that made the extra effort to supply guidance and motivation. You never know where it is going to come from.

...Rob (in the shop), got me into Facebook and rekindled my desire to write.

...opened a rather large can of worms there didn't you, Roberto.
...what is writing anyway

...my take is painting pictures with words

...kinda' simple, like me

My first recollection of an important sculptor of my skill sets, was Mr Stiver, Grade 8 teacher. He used to rub his hands together and croon with glee the following - "I just love grammar!". We, of course, would wince with pain over the thought of having to get out our note pads and actually have to pay attention to something useful. I don't even know where to start on how to thank you enough for my ability to speak and write coherently in the English language.

...what would I do without spell checker and a thesaurus, lol (actually more like lmao).

..students from this public school did way better in high school English classes (go figure)

...Thank you very much, Mr. Stiver

This is only Part One of a long list of notes on this subject.

...I have a lot of people to thank

Butchering The American National Anthem

2008-11-27T22:11:00.004-05:00

Today was Thanksgiving in the United States and the usual NFL games were available for viewing. Sadly, they weren't worth the price of admission. But what was even worse was the preamble to the opening kickoff—specifically, the singing (or more correctly, butchering) of the national anthem by somebody trying to make a name for themselves on national television. It was horrible. And it seems to be a regularly occurring event.

I don't know what it is, but whether it is NASCAR, the NFL, Major League Baseball or the NBA, the ceremony of singing the national anthem has become a nauseating introductory ordeal for everyone at the event and those waiting for it begin on the tube.

...I guess we're going to have to come up with a nickname for flat panel televisions now

I recall Tom & Dick Smothers on one of the nighttime talk shows passionately arguing for the performer to understand that it's not about the singer, it's about the song. Everyone seems to think they are performing for the initial American Idol audition. If they don't do something different, they think they have missed their big chance to make a name for themselves on the big stage.

Some things should stay the way they were originally intended. I think anthems are intended to inspire the gladiators about to enter the arena and boost the level of excitement in the throng that is about to watch the games begin.

...how did it become the world's largest karaoke stage?

My Desert Island List of CD's

2008-11-27T19:16:00.010-05:00

Everybody has their list of favourite CD's that they would take to a desert island.

You will notice mine is predominately 60's R&B (aka Soul music). I actually saw a lot of these wonderful performers live.

....one of the most memorable was Patti Labelle (Patti Labelle & The Bluebelles then) at Maple Leaf Gardens as one of the introductory acts for the Rolling Stones.
...Floor seat, 1st 10 rows, ticket $18 (I think)
...Patti could have sung without a microphone

...and another was The Ike & Tina Turner Revue at 888 Yonge Street (really a large banquet hall - called the Masonic Temple back then)
...the energy that Tina and the Ikettes generated would have easily powered some of the neighbouring office buildings
...Ike was scary

Amanda Marshall
Amanda Marshall
Anthology
Ray Charles
Atlantic R & B
Everybody from Atlantic (8 CD’s)
Beg, Scream & Shout
R & B greats from everywhere (6 CD’s)
Blues Summit
B.B. King & friends
Captured Live At The Forum
Three Dog Night
Eagles Greatest Hits
The Eagles
Greatest Hits
Patti Labelle
Greatest Hits
Stevie Ray Vaughan
Harry Chapin Live
Harry Chapin
Her Best
Etta James
Hitsville USA
Everybody from Motown (4 CD’s)
Imagination
Gladys Knight & the Pips
Joe Cocker Live
Joe Cocker
Lee Michaels
Lee Michaels
Legend
Bob Marley
Live & in Living Color
Tower of Power
Live at the Apollo II
James Brown
Oh What A Night
The Dells
Rhythm Country & Blues
Various R&B and Country greats (all duets)
Simply The Best
Tina Turner
Soul Train 25th Anniversary
Disks 1 & 2 only (3 will make a good frisbee)
Their Greatest Hits
The Eagles

...of course, the concept isn't practical
...no place to get batteries or to plug in the charger

Sometimes You Just Have To Reboot

2008-11-27T16:39:00.009-05:00

Working with any computer teaches you that Murphy is alive and well in in the erratic world of bits and bytes. For some reason, it just goes south.

You try and try to apply logic to the problem. You drive Customer Support batty with your numerous emails listing your latest software problems. Who really has any idea what goes on inside a computer anymore. We cross platform all kinds of stuff, port files from every where and wonder why it isn't working.

My solution for a lot of problems has been simple. If it doesn't work, reboot. It is amazing as to how many problems magically disappear using this technique.

Sadly, it doesn't always work. Right now, I don't have any formatting capability in this Post. I tried rebooting, but it didn't work.

So I'm going to Plan B. If all else fails, switch browsers. Yep, it worked. Switched from Firefox to Explorer. Now I've got formatting back. (Worked in Safari, too. I tried switching back to Firefox and nope it didn't work. It just showed HTML stuff with no ability to switch back and forth from Compose and Edit Html. Go figure.)

...How's it going Murph?

...in my younger days we used to say it differently
..."When all else fails, punt."

Lighten Up - It's Only A Game

2008-11-27T16:07:00.011-05:00

Here's another take on making the game more fun.

As John the Golf Course Guy, I view a lot of customers playing what should be a game but taking it way too seriously.

...especially in scramble format charity tournaments
...most people refer to this as best ball
...it's about raising money for a worthwhile charity, enjoying the time with your golf partners and having fun

I try to make the day more fun by making selective comments after people's shots. Here's some of my favourites.

Just a 5th set of eyes. I'm not the golf course police
I'm amazed at the number of golfers that will ask what did I do wrong when I arrive at the tee. They have obviously been conditioned by their treatment by marshals at other courses. I'm there to help. Hopefully, I can add to their enjoyment. They all paid good money to play here. It doesn't hurt to thank them for that either.

...we'll talk about the golf course police in another note
...I'm a strong proponent of their immediate demise

The good news is your ball won't be lonely
This one is most often uttered on two par 3's that are hit over valleys. A conservative estimate would be 4,000 balls a year in the gully on each hole. Try not be intimidated by the gully or water. Hit the ball as if they didn't exist.
Nice UBE (pronounced you be)
It's an acronym for Ugly But Effective. This is said after a mishit that turns out be a good result. I usually comment that this is how I got most of my birdies. Nice shot.
Just a little outside (of course I stole it from Bob Uecker)
This one is right after a tee shot that ends up in another county. Try not to swing so hard. You will be amazed at how far today's golf ball will fly after a solid hit with the right tempo. There's no better way to ruin your drive than play in a lot of scramble format tournaments. Going for the fence all the time is not very effective.
There's no room on the scorecard for pictures
This one fits well with Nice UBE especially those shots that bounce off of trees and cart paths and end up on the fairway or green. The shot doesn't have to be picture perfect. The result in golf is what is scored. It still is one stroke no matter how ugly the shot.
We have a decency rule here. Were are like fisherman though. We have a minimum length requirement
This one seems to get the biggest laughs from the other 3 players in the foursome. It's only mentioned when a guy hits his tee shot and it doesn't make it to the Red tees (aka Ladies tees). Swinging too hard again? Probably.

...I'm selective with the last one
...just trying to get everybody to lighten up

Bozoplay?

2008-11-27T10:35:00.007-05:00

Bozoplay is just one of the millions and millions of lucky people who discovered the joys of playing Texas Hold’em online for free.

…yes, you do have to have access to a computer so it’s not totally free
...and I do play in small stakes sit and go's now

Bozoplay is my playing name for online poker sites. I chose it because Bozoman was already taken. Pokerstars is my site of choice right now—partly because I'm a fan of Daniel Negreanu, fine young Canadian lad.

But it turned out to be kind of a blessing for me. I discovered when I played online and made a particularly dumb play I would utter the phrase to myself

“What a Bozoplay!!”

…more often than I liked, and sometimes out loud

It helped me to stop and think about what I just did wrong and I learned. I now focused on the second half and started working on keeping the first half locked away. Play and don’t be such a bozo.

I also rediscovered the clown in me—the one that just loved to have fun.

It also triggered my interest in writing. Since you have time between hands, it helped me deal with the slow players.

...the off switch in my brain seems to be broken

...and why do people sit out in play money games?

My First Computer

2008-11-27T10:08:00.010-05:00

Sometime in the early 80's, I decided I needed to know more about computers.

...I was thirty something then.

So I walked into the local Radio Shack in Calgary and bought the deluxe Coco—the 16K version, not the basic 4K over sized calculator. I honestly don’t remember what it cost (I’m guessing over a thousand though). It was only a keyboard with the guts of a computer. You hooked it up to your colour TV which served as the monitor.

No such thing as hard disks or even floppy disks. You saved anything on a tape drive (extra, of course). The keyboard had Chiclets for keys. (Still better than today's mice keys on a Blackberry, et al)

…needless to say, you couldn’t watch TV at the same time
…no such thing as multitasking back then

...man I forgot about computer programming in university
...you programmed everything in Fortran using keypunch cards

If you wanted to do anything with it, you pretty much had to program what you wanted in a language called Basic. You could buy cartridges that slid into the side of the computer. I think I bought one called VisiCalc which was my first exposure to computerized spreadsheets. I used it as a glorified typewriter mostly.

...I actually used it to develop forecasts in my work
...I think this was a major reason I got a transfer back to Toronto

The tape drive only stored data sequentially. It couldn't rewrite over an existing file because it would write over anything in its path. I had to buy a supply of cassette tapes (The same kind you used to record music, but quality wasn’t as important) to save the myriad of screwed up programs that I began to write.

As far as a printer goes, I went out and got a black & white dot matrix printer (I’m not sure if you could buy colour then. It was somewhere in the neighbourhood of $800). It worked on the principal that a bunch of small pins hammered a typewriter like ribbon onto paper that had tear off edges full of holes that fed along wheels that had larger plastic pins in them.

…the paper often fell off the wheels
…ribbons didn’t last very long (cartridge format I think)
…and you had to clean the pins periodically

…couldn’t even buy a cable at the local Radio Shack
…had to get it custom built at a local computer geek store (two different connectors—proprietary Radio Shack and serial if memory serves me right. Most people used parallel to parallel in those days)

You could try to use ordinary typewriter paper, but you had to feed the sheets in one at a time and they seldom lined up properly especially if you started it off crooked.

…computers two & three weren’t much better
…that will be another story
…memory chips were a $1,000 a megabyte in number three (they're now pennies a megabyte)

…all of these items ended up in my personal garbage dump possibly before you were even born

The 4 Stages of Getting Older

2008-11-27T04:19:00.010-05:00

While recently trying to locate an old friend who might be on Facebook, I was reminded of the joke I heard while working on the golf course sometime this summer.

What are the 4 stages of getting Older?

You forget names
You forget faces
You forget to zip up your fly
You forget to unzip your fly

...growing old sucks
...Jimmy in maintenance figures he must be dead — he does all four

...what stage do you think Jay is at?

What Musical Acts Have You Seen?

2008-11-27T01:23:00.004-05:00

Here's a rewarding project for you to undertake.

Go back into your memory banks and try to remember all the terrific musical acts that you have found yourself present as a member of the audience. You will find this a most enriching experience. It will, no doubt, bring back all kinds of enjoyable memories.

...you will be surprised how many you have momentarily forgotten

Even more fun, is trying to remember who was with you at the concert.

...you might find that a little tougher

Just for interest's sake, here's Matt's list (in no particular order).

Harry Chapin
The Rolling Stones
James Brown
Wilson Pickett
Percy Sledge
Gladys Knight & the Pips
Patti Labelle & the Bluebelles
The Ike & Tina Turner Revue
Arthur Conley
Ray Charles
Chuck Mangione
Lighthouse
The Rogues aka The Mandala
Roy Kenner & the Associates
Chaka Khan
Smokey Robinson
Natalie Cole
Sammy Davis Jr.
The Olympics
Gordon Lightfoot
Isaac Hayes
Chuck Berry
B. B. King
Shawn & Jay Jackson & the Majestics
Randy Bachman
Burton Cummings
Led Zeppelin
The Pointer Sisters
Wham
Gloria Gaynor
James & Bobby Purify
Bob Dylan
David Clayton Thomas
Sonny Terry & Brownie McGee
Jon & Lee & the Checkmates
Tea Garden & Vanwinkle

...some you will recognize
...some are quite obscure
...some are local groups that I enjoyed
...they were almost all worth the price of admission
…some were free (bonus)

Left Handed Canadian Golfers - Why So Many?

2008-11-27T00:15:00.011-05:00

Certainly the most famous
one from Canada

It has a lot to do with the fact that our season is so short. For a lot of Canadians, golf is a part time seasonal sport.

...it's hard to putt in a snowstorm

It has even more to do with the reality that Canadians are more likely to play ice hockey than golf. They are more likely to take up hockey first. They get comfortable with holding a hockey stick and a lot of right handed players shoot left.

...we call it hockey
...it's hard to skate in a field

In fact, the following sequence will help explain the large number of left handed golfers in this country.

Road hockey
Ice hockey
Baseball (usually softball before hardball)
Golf

If you can recall your first attempt at swinging a golf club, it felt about as natural as walking on a tightrope blindfolded. So the hockey player will often choose what is more familiar to them.

It is not uncommon on Canadian golf courses to see 3 and sometimes 4 golfers playing left handed. John the Golf Course Guy usually does an unofficial survey upon arriving at the tee with left handed golfers. He asks, "Curiosity. What hand do you write with?" If they respond with the right one, the conversation usually continues on about how they play hockey and baseball, how they tried playing right handed and then switched never to return.

I have heard it said that one of the major golf retailers in Canada, sell more left handed clubs than right. That may be true. The selection is almost as large as the right handed section.

A lot of Americans have difficulty understanding why a large number of Canadians play left handed. I always remember the chat conversation I had with a U. S. fireman while playing on Pokerstars. He said he had a coworker from Canada that he plays golf with. I replied with, "I bet he plays left handed." He said, "Yah, what's that all about?" and I continued to explain briefly the sequence of hockey then golf. He now understands why.

People who work at U. S. golf courses immediately recognize the left handed golfer as being not from around here. They usually respond with "Oh, so you're Canadian!"

...I have the greatest respect for all the firefighters everywhere
...I remember once watching a boxcar melt in a lumberyard fire
...fires are real scary

...Thank you for what you do for us

TV Advertising - Do You Remember The Product?

2008-11-26T23:36:00.004-05:00

Personally, I think advertising agencies are more concerned about trying to win awards for their ad campaign than they are for developing a commercial that will help improve the sale of their client's products.

Most of my experiences at agency powwows turn out to be less than worth the price of admission, which usually is a lot more than they first quoted. Most agency creative department people have no clue when it comes to the simple business motto of "you spend money to make money".

...kinda' like "you play to win the game"
...they're both real simple

Play this game with your friends next time you get together for a couple of "brown pops". Describe in as much detail as possible, the details of a recent commercial that you have seen that you know for sure what the product is and then ask them to tell you what it is. You will be surprised to find out that most everyone will recollect the storyline within the commercial and the product type that is being promoted. But the product brand gets lost up in the agencies' inventive use of smoke and mirrors.

The last bit here attempts to share one of my more disappointing experiences with an ad agency but had an even bigger cast of characters—which included the camera crew and production personnel. You learn to appreciate the emotion that flows in great volume in the province of Quebec. They are most definitely passionate about almost everything they do. Viva la différence .

...I had to fly into Montreal to be the mandatory "suit" at the commercial shooting which took place in a mothballed hotel
...in the ballroom on one of the upper floors
...no running water
...washroom was a port-o-potty
...the French-Canadian actress was a real sweetheart
...the dog got real bored

...food was good
...except I broke a filling on a bagel
...I found out why the Director of Marketing sent me instead of himself
...they were still shooting when I left
...pretty much a wasted day

...product didn't do too well

Reading Is For People In Jail

2008-11-26T21:51:00.005-05:00

The title is a copy of an actual statement in a friend's Facebook profile under Favorite Books.

I was taken aback by this because she is a very bright and considerate person. It just supports the poor job our public and high schools have done in getting our youth to actually read something longer than a text message or an email.

Reading should be an escape, seen as an adventure, take you somewhere you've never been, get you thinking outside the box. It should be exercise for the brain, not punishment. Schools use the term compulsory or required reading. Where's the joy in that?

Reading should be deemed as a reward. Reading is a valuable privilege. You don't get a lot of privileges in jail.

Most of my enjoyment in reading took place in soothing locales like a poolside setting in Barbados, a rolling dock in cottage country, a balcony overlooking the setting sun on the golf course in the Arizona desert, the over sized bed in an bigger than necessary condo in Whistler, in a lounge chair in a friend's backyard. And a lot of times, I woke up from the most refreshing nap I had experienced in recent months. I felt like I had actually taken a vacation.

Books took me to outer space, every continent on this planet, the open sea, the mysterious depths of the ocean. I met pirates, adventurers, beautiful damsels, people in just about every occupation there is out there. I took trips in magnificent machines, on powerful animals, in great sailing ships, on a path that I've never seen before. Saw creatures I could have never imagined existed.

...doesn't sound much like jail to me
...too bad a lot of us weren't encouraged to see it that way

...sadly I don't read as much as I used to
...it must be something that's going around

Marty, our general manager, at least gave me hope that when I commented that young people don't read anything anymore, he quickly responded that his youngest, Kelly can't get enough of reading.

...she will never see the inside of a jail cell
...that's what good direction will do for you

As Tim Allen said on his website, READ SOMETHING. You will be rewarded for your uncharted journey into the unknown. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Treat yourself. Take a trip to never-never land.

...read a book for a change

Here's an addendum to this story. I asked my friend to take a look at this stuff. She corrected me in that she reads a lot. It's a quote from a movie she had seen and it stuck with her. She's working hard at media studies. So you see it is true, you can't judge a book by its cover.

...time for a Gilda here—Nevermind

....old line from Saturday Night Live

...funny stuff

...How's it Hangin'?, Gilda

...you left us too soon

Let's Call It A CC

2008-11-26T21:15:00.002-05:00

The other day I showed up at the golf course to start my shift as starter.

…In November in Canada no less, if you can believe that – high 60’s F/18 degrees C

Like a bozo, I forgot my watch at home so I asked Rob in the shop if I could borrow his.

…Good example of a bozoplay
…Good people help you out

He wasn’t wearing one but he said I could borrow his cell phone.
He had it charging on top of the sparsely stocked pop machine.

Looking at this tiny little thing, I realized they’re not just a phone any longer.
Seems to me a camera, phone, music & video player, text messaging, personal calendar, address book, etc. yearns for a different name.

Rob and I kicked around the concept of calling it something different.
Rob asked “So what would you call it?”

Simple, a CC. (pronounced see-see)
Short for a Cellular Communicator.
Maybe it will catch on.
Rob thought that was a good idea.

…Don’t like text messaging much
…Seems to me it’s a weak attempt at communicating

…I hit multiple keys on a standard computer keyboard
…Who has those tiny little fingers required when using the keyboard on a CC anyway?

…Customers lose them on the course a lot
…One guy lost his inside the dash of his rental golf cart
…Alex had to take the cart apart to get it out
…Rob’s a good guy. So is Alex. Yes Ryan, you too
…Don’t forget to thank the good guys

Profiles - Pierre the Chef

2008-11-23T17:18:00.001-05:00

Pierre the Chef (fleur-de-lis denotes the presence of a recipe in the page)

Personality Traits
sometimes - sarcastic, temperamental, and sometimes - happy go lucky
Speaking Voice(s)
Riccardo, Patrick Roy, Jean Chretein (broken English with a French accent - written phonetically)
Position
Defensive Tackle
Current Status
Active
Introductory Blog Location
Introducing Pierre the Chef
Biography
Pierre emigrated from France and continues to threaten to return if he doesn't get the respect he feels he deserves. He is not really a chef but more of a short order cook. He specializes in simple but interesting meals. His choice of cooking utensils is heavily focused on the functional and practical. He believes a microwave should be used for cooking, not just defrosting. The stove is used to boil water for pasta and baking items in the oven. His latest passion is cooking with the slow cooker (slow cook-Air, as he calls it)

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Profiles - Bozoplay

2008-11-23T17:12:00.015-05:00

Bozoplay, aka Bozo, aka Bo

Personality Traits
childlike, clown, playful, sarcastic
Speaking Voice(s)
Goofy, Caesar (talking gorilla from later Planet of the Apes movie)
Position
1st string Quarterback
Current Status
Active (an understatement)
Introductory Blog Location
Bozoplay?
Biography
Bozo is the guiding light behind the creation of stuff about life, BitsByBozoplay. He is the common thread that binds the team together as one unit. He likes to get in the last word.

He is not one-dimensional. He appears periodically on Fox Sports Community in his blog, Bozoplay's Blog (masthead Bozo Says). He appears with the storm avatar symbolizing his tendency to stir things up.

Bozo is hard to deter showing dependable resiliency. It's hard to kill a clown, they are mostly made of rubber.

The file name attached to the gorilla was originally called "Great Face - Evil". It was a complete misread on it's true meaning. It has become Bozo's visual signature on the Internet. It expresses how intensely he thinks about stuff. The gorilla is blind which makes it easier for him to see things more clearly in his mind's eye.

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