Friday, July 11, 2014

Life Truths 2

Since there are a lot of these topics, I decided to keep each blog post to just 6 or less stories to make it more Internet friendly since folks don't seem to read on much here and only older folks read books a lot anymore it seems. (Yep another life truth there).

If You Need a Nap, Watch Baseball or NASCAR

Either works really well for me and I think it has to do with how long both events are on TV—very long. It is hard to watch it for that length time and there is a kind of drone that both have that is what lulls me to sleep. They are totally different events when seen live at the venue. Napping at a live baseball game is certainly possible but I doubt it happens much at a NASCAR race without the assistance of a lot of brown pops!

In baseball, it is the announcers filling in the slowness of the game with not so useful information like “Bubba Jones is the only player in baseball to have 100 singles, jock itch and hit left-handed all during his wife’s pregnancy. Maybelle and child are doing well and, I am told, are among the fan-faithful at today's game.” Baseball is the only sport I know that is suitably slow enough for fat guys to play and usually they get to play first base.

In NASCAR, there are two things that drone steadily to lull you to sleep. Seems the cars are really all the same with slightly different front ends and head covers on the engines with different nameplates so they can’t pass each other easily and go round and round in a single line for most of the race (unless the “Big One” happens which is what most people want to see happen). And then there is the drone of the “Good Ole Boys” that get the job of colour commentary in the booth after their days behind the wheel or in the pits are over. “Bubba Jones is the only driver in NASCAR to come from Smalltown, Alabama, won 10 Sprint Cup races and have jock itch all durin' his wife’s pregnancy. Maybelle and the baby are doin' just fine and we saw them in the pits earlier today.” (A guy from the south would say won so don't try to correct my grammar, boy).

I never worry too much about missing what has gone on in either event because Sports Centre does such a great job of covering the important details of each in the nightly wrap up session and each gets about 30 seconds max to do so, unless the NASCAR race had a Big One. (I think the spelling of centre and colour should be enough for you to figure out that I am not an American since I am Canadian and quite proud of it, thank you very much)

You Don't Walk the Dog; the Dog Walks You

Any dog owner already knows this. The dog will let you know when it is time for it to go outside and do its thing and you will be taken on a journey of its choosing. And, of course, you will get the joy of cleaning up after it when it smiles back at you and wants you to comment on how good a boy or girl the pup was. It seems that the grocery store plastic bag has a double function for all dog owners and at least two are mandatory provisions for the dog’s latest trip outdoors.

You will be graciously acquainted with every tree, fire hydrant, lamp post and any other place that one of its many breeds used as a marking spot for “Hey I was here first”. And if they were, in fact, not first here, “Well it’s my spot now!” I often wonder if a lot of humans think that way as well about their space.

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