Sunday, July 14, 2013

How I would Beat Tiger Woods at Golf

Not what you think but we would all play badly if she was on the course with us
(and we wouldn't much care you know)

And it would also work on Jack Nicklaus I would think.

I haven’t played much golf in the past few years because quite frankly it wasn’t much fun anymore. I probably had a 16 or 17 handicap at one time or another. Games are about fun and winning is just the result of having way too much fun. But I’m going to dust off the clubs real soon because I now have two offers to play golf in my current place of residence in the city of London, Ontario.

One is with a friend who happens to be the golf pro at a private club in town. He was also my boss at a now non-existent course North West of Toronto and we both just decided that London is a better choice of a place to live for very different reasons.

The other is from two friends that I haven’t seen in approximately 40 years when we worked together in the sporting goods industry back in the day of wooden hockey sticks and hockey gloves with cuffs that actually protected your wrists. One of these fine gentlemen (they are both chuckling right now) currently lives just outside Toronto and the other currently lives in Tucson, Arizona. And guess who is organizing the golf day—the one in Tucson of course and yes we will be playing in London, Ontario and not Tucson which has a bagillion courses to choose from. (Yah it’s that ending a sentence with a preposition thing).

And that is part of my plan to beat Tiger. I’m going to try and get Lee Trevino and David Feherty to fill out the foursome since my friends will probably be busy doing something more important. Lee and David would be more familiar to you so you will understand my tactics better if I use them in the example. I will keep Bill Murray available as a backup in case one can’t make it.

Ending as many sentences with a preposition, bending every rule of golf possible (Tiger does that too though so it won’t be that effective), singing fun songs at the right moment, telling jokes non-stop, saying nice shot in the middle of a backswing (learned that from John Daly), get a bunch of those bozos that shout "get in the hole" to do that on everyone of Tiger's swings and doing everything else, that we all considered just fun, to throw him off his game.

He is way too serious and I think that is why his game isn't as spectacular as it was before. I think the other players know how to get to him and they have developed a sort of upper hand psychologically like Lee Trevino did back in that day. If Feherty ever stopped talking, (which he seldom does you know) well that would help. Between the two of them I think Tiger or Jack would just storm off the course in a great huff much liked Ted Knight did in response to Rodney Dangerfield.

Yes it’s already been done, but it would be sooooo much fun to repeat it on Tiger and then we’d all go have a beer or two and forget about the game and have some more fun. That’s what I plan to do with my friends soon just like I did when golf was a fun game with all my other friends that I played golf with. (dangle, dangle, exploding preposition)

We’re all going to be dead a really long time.

Sing it Sheryl…

…all I wanna’ do is have some fun…

(pretty good pic of her isn't it. She could do more of that, too. She does light up a room when she miles)

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