The Rambler

(With apologies to Kenny Rogers)

(Sung to the tune of the Gambler)

On a warm summer’s morning

On a green grassy fairway

Met up with a foursome

We were both too tired to speak

So we took turns a swearin’

At the golf balls and the hazards

A threesome overtook us

And we began to speak

He said men I’ve spent a lifetime

Of reading people’s backswings

Knowing where the ball goes

By the way they held their clubs

So if you don’t mind me saying

I can see you’re slicin’ badly

And I ain't no expert

But I’ll give you some advice

So I showed them a golf grip

Got to learn it from your golf pro

Teed the ball and swung away

And started hitting straight

And the play got deathly quiet

And their faces they said thank you

So if you’re gonna’ learn the game boy

You got to learn to play it right

You got to know when to shut up

Know when to play through

Know when to zip it up

Know when to leave

You never tell the punch line

In the middle of their backswing

They’ll be time enough for laughing

When the swingings done

 

And when he finished speaking

He turned back to the foursome

Wished them all the best of luck

And drove off down the path

And somewhere on the golf course

The rambler he got even

And in his final pass

Found a Pro-V he could keep

You got to know when to shut up

Know when to play through

Know when to zip it up

Know when to leave

You never tell the punch line

In the middle of their backswing

They’ll be time enough for laughing

When the swingings done